The Saddest NFL Stats Of Week 4 You Didn't Know

Quinn Harris. Getty Images.

Welcome brethren. We gather here from all coasts and even from across the pond. From the deep south of New Orleans. From the shores of New England to New York and through the Great Lakes from Cleveland to Chicago. Aaand right on back to New York! We gather here in solidarity. To support. To lean on. But most importantly - to roast into absolute oblivion. 

I'd like to officially welcome New England fans to the family as it appears you Massholes will be a recurring guest to this sad blog. But cheer up. You at least have fresh memories of a great dynasty to regale upon. The rest of us are like Michael Scott with inside jokes: there's nothing we love more than having a winning team and we hope to one day be a part of one. 

But for now … this co-op of sadness is all we have. So here you all are. Your NFL sad stats for Week 4.

Sad Stat #1: I counted seven bona fide super sad fan closeups in attendance for the Giants Monday night

Taylor Swift may have been the draw in the stands on Sunday Night Football in New York but the New York Giants fans made her look like just a girl in the bleechers with their performance Monday Night. Just a spectacular effort from Team Sad. I'd say they stole the show but that assumes there was a show to be stolen. These seven screenshots tell the story of this entire game in chronological order better than any numbers I can whip up out of the play-by-play data. 

As you probably learned on the broadcast the Giants are the only team now that has not scored a touchdown in the first half after the first four games of the year. So to add something you might not know I looked up the last team to do this and was zero bit surprised to learn it was the 2013 Jaguars in the dark Blaine Gabbert ages. 

This Giants team needs a get right game. Luckily they play at Miami next and at Buffalo after that. 

Sad Stat #2: Calculus lesson ~ Joe Burrow minus one calf = Daniel Jones

We just covered that the Giants are the only team to fail to score in the first half. The Bengals would be right there with them if it weren't for a punt return vs the Ravens. That's right - Joe Burrow has led his team to zero first half touchdowns through four games. Just like Danny Deer in the Headlights. What's the point of letting him gut it out if he's completely ineffective? How is that helping in the short-term or the long-term? I have no idea what they are thinking here. 

Sad Stat #3: The Colts are the ultimate "almost comeback after trailing 23-0 but still lose" tease

The Colts fell behind 23-0 Sunday before Anthony Richardson amassed an impressive comeback to force overtime only to still lose anyway. It was an all out "comeback tease" which is among the worst types of teases. 

I pulled 462 NFL teams since 1999 to trail 23-0 or more since 1999. The graph below shows the 33 teams from this group that either came back to win (green highlights) or lost by one score.

The Indianapolis Colts are the kings of the "comeback tease". Both the #1 and #2 best (almost) comeback teams from trailing 23-0 without winning. They aren't just in the upper quartile. They are they upper quartile. The Colts lost by 2 to the Chargers in 2007 and by 3 to the Bears in 2000. This concludes this blog's positive stats attributed to the Chicago Bears.

One could argue Sunday's loss belongs at the top as well since they forced overtime. Either way, this is tough for fans. Having six recent memory games in which your favorite team came back after trailing 23-0 or more before ultimately losing by one score is a sad sundae. 

Let's put a cherry on top of that sad sundae. Not only did the Colts lose six almost comebacks, but as the list above confirms, they of course allowed the largest comeback in NFL history just this past season vs the Minnesota Vikings. 

Sad Stat #4: The Vikings and Broncos are legends of the "0-3 Offs"

I love me a good Week 4 "0-3 off" just as much as anyone else so I was delighted to see we had two this year with the Vikings vs the Panthers and the Broncos vs the Bears. Both the Vikings and Broncos came back to win Sunday in the first "0-3 offs" since 2020. Funny enough, there were also two that year as well and I shit you not the Broncos and Vikings also won both. The Broncos beat the Jets while the Vikings beat the Texans. 

Try your best to take this stat as a compliment Vikings and Broncos fans. I'm trying here. 

Sad Stat #5: A guy named Puka Nacua has more receptions as a wide receiver in his first four games than any Chicago Bears wide receiver in their first 11 games

PukAnon is here to stay. And he's taking names. 39 catches for a wide receiver's first four games is an insane start. What brunch place is he taking Matt Stafford to? Anyway, because I'm a depressed Bears fan who has a general understanding of how pathetic our franchise history's wide receiver game is, I went ahead and looked up how long it took the QUICKEST Bears receiver to catch 39 or more passes. Marcus Robinson got the Bears on the board in 1998 with 44 catches in his first 12 games while Darnell Mooney is the only other Bears wide receiver to catch 39 in as many games when he hauled in 40 in 2020.  Friendly reminder the Bears have been an organization since 1922. 

But here's the sad part. The most receptions for a Bears wide receiver in just his first four games is none of than Kevin White in 2016. The prized first round draft pick mustered 19 catches with zero touchdowns in these four games before peacing out the rest of the season on injured reserve. Just another example of the football gods smiting any effort in the Bears trying to … I don't know… do passing stuff. 

Low blow stat: While Kevin White would catch zero touchdown passes on these first 19 catches, he would go on the finish his career with a total of zero more touchdown catches. 

Sad Stat #6: Elijah Moore lost 20 yards on a rushing play that didn't even involve a fumble

What a rush! You'll be shocked to learn this was the only time the Browns would hand off to Elijah Moore so he ended the game with a gentleman's -20 yards on one rush. Luckily he made it up on the receiving end with 20 yards so I guess all is even! 

I looked back at the worst single game average yards per carry and this one came in at #12. But this includes intentional safety's like Andre Johnson's 1 rush for -34 yards in 2003, Brondon Powell in 2022, Ty Long in 2020, and Drew Brees in 2008. Remove those and that puts our boy Elijah at #8 worst rush average for a game in NFL history! 

That's pretty fun isnt' it? Let's have some more fun. I found three other cases in the last 20 years of available play-by-play data in which a ball carrier lost 15-yards or more on a rush play that didn't involve a fumble. I use 15-yards so we can get a few other examples at least close to Moore's -20. 

Fred Mitchell - Week 10, 2001 on a ho-hum 1st and ten in the 1st quarter (-16 yards)

Laveranues Coles - Week 2, 2004 on a ho-hum 2nd and seven in the 2nd quarter (-16 yards)

Brondon Lloyd - Week 17, 2011 on a ho-hum 1st and ten in the 2nd quarter (-18 yards)

Sad Stat #7: Alvin Kamara caught 13 passes for a grand total of 33 yards

A single player caught 13 or more balls in a single game a grand total of 212 times in NFL history. The 50 with the least total receiving yards are graphed below:

What on earth happened here New Orleans? Couldn't even get Kamara half of the second worst performance (James Wilder with 71 yards)? Congrats to Derek Carr for making Kamara miss Ian Book in exactly one games playing with him. That's tough to do.

Sad Stat #8: Mac Jones gave Bill Belichick his worst loss of his entire head coaching career

Welcome to the party Pats fans! Don't worry - once you lose every shred of dignity, hope, and sense of self-worth, it's not that bad and actually a bit liberating swimming in your own tears. Mac Jones gave the daily-double pick-six, fumble six combo. The same stunt you all probably laughed at Deshaun Watson for doing earlier this season vs the Steelers in prime time. 

This was indeed Bill Belichick's worst loss by point differential. 35 points tops Week 1 of 2023 when the Pats were shutout 31-0 to the Bills. The Bills actually held the top three Belichick whompings before Sunday by also obliterating the Pats 47-17 in the 2021 Playoffs and 38-9 in 2020. 

Sad Stat #9: Teams that miss a coward goal (field goal on 4th and 1 excluding 4th quarter when game situaions factor in) are 7-35 since 1999

This was some weak sauce by Robert Saleh. You're down eight to Patrick Mahomes and you're going to kick a field goal on 4th and 1? This is a loser decision. You know what loser decisions result in? Losing. And I'd love to hear someone defend this coward goal by saying if they made it the game would have gone to overtime since they only lost by three. You just know that person is out there somewhere. Probably a Swifty. 

That's enough for this week. But if you're new here and need to read through more sadness of other teams to help you cope I have weeks 1-3 linked below. I'm talking to you, Massholes!

This Giants fan is already on it. 

- Jeffro

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