Being A Mascot Has To Be The Only Job In America That Gives You The Green Light To Regularly Beat Up Little Kids For A Living
Name one other job where you can deck the shit out of some little twerp and it won't result in at least a meeting with HR. You think accountants are allowed to show up to work everyday and put a bunch of little kids in concussion protocol? What if the garbage men in your neighborhood just started to Stone Cold Stunner every kid on the block? Flight attendants can't go around knocking little kids out for being too rambunctious on a plane.
But if you're a mascot in America? Well all you have to do is put on a silly little costume and the world practically begs for you to physically harm small children as entertainment. Just imagine if you replaced Blooper here with some random insurance claims adjuster named Dave. You think the NFL on Fox Twitter account would be laughing their ass off about Dave stiff arming some little kid into the shadow realm? No chance. The cops would be waiting for him at the end of the tunnel. But throw Dave in a mascot costume and now everyone is rooting for him to destroy some poor little kid who doesn't even know his multiplication tables yet.
All I'm saying is that mascot culture in America has gotten wildly out of control over the years, and it's time to rein these sociopaths back in. Personally I blame Gritty for being the mascot to really take everything over the edge. The moment that menace to society came into existence, it's like society gave up entirely on trying to keep mascots in line. Now they can do whatever they want, whenever they want, and that makes them some of the most dangerous people(?) on the planet. Mascots in this country have been given carte blanche to run amok and create as much havoc as physically possible. It's time to start fighting back while we still have a chance.