Dumping Them Out: Learning About Immigrants on NFL Sunday
Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. This particular episode is being written at 4:30am. Without getting into too much detail, I have been roped into a day trip to Ellis Island to do history stuff all Sunday long. Meaning I need to wake up at a ridiculous hour to complete my boobs blog.
Could I have easily written this yesterday to avoid this situation entirely? Yes. Could I also just have woken up at say, 7:30am and had plenty of time to write the blog before our boat leaves? Also, yes. But then how will I be able to passive aggressively tell the people who scheduled these Sunday activities without asking me if I had a busy day of "writing 1 blog and sitting on my ass watching the NFL Sunday ticket that I just paid $350 for" planned, that I had to wake up at the ungodly hour of 4:30am to accommodate their need to learn about immigrants on NFL Sunday week 3? This is how I win. I'm starting to think that I'm a bad person.
As I am an American, I watched the Colorado vs Oregon game yesterday. I'm starting to become worried that Colorado is not going to win a National Championship. I don't want to overreact to a 42-6 loss to Oregon, but I'm afraid on of the worst teams in the history of football in 2022 will not automatically jump to the top of the sports due to Deion Sanders and his cool sunglasses. If Travis Hunter wasn't injured they definitely wouldn't have one.
I also watched the Ohio State vs Notre Dame game last night. Pour one out for Notre Dame super fans and best friends Shane Gillis and Frank The Tank. The picture of this crew walking into the stadium will go down in history as one of the greatest pictures of the coolest group of dudes that was ever taken.
That picture just unlocked a memory that makes me want to jump head first off a bridge over shallow water. Holy shit, I had completely forgotten about this. At the Barstool Awards in Boston, there was a little pre-show cocktail hour thing. Everybody from the show was there. I was walking around, minding my own business, being as awkward as I possibly could trying to fit in and make cool small talk with everyone. I passed a group of people that included Dante The Don and Caleb Pressley. Dante stopped me and said, "Hey have you met Caleb?" and I said, "Yes", and Dante said, "Caleb, did you know this kid was addicted to drugs?" then Caleb said, "Ok". Then I said "Thank you Dante" and walked away. I'm not sure why Dante thought that would be a cool thing to lead with. I wish that didn't happen. I should really talk less about drugs less.
Ohio State's coach Ryan Day gave a fairly outrageous post game interview, telling Lou Holtz to "Go fuck yourself and die you old bitch" (paraphrasing)..
Personally I thought that was a little too far. Lou Holtz brain is scrambled eggs. There's no need to verbally assault Lou Holtz. He hasn't formed a coherent sentence since 2006. And no shit he said that Notre Dame is "tougher" than Ohio State. Lou Holtz is above all a Notre Dame guy. Notre Dame guys pride themselves on playing tough, hardnosed football. That's how Catholic Jesus wants football to be played. 10 yards in a cloud of dust with a grad student transfer quarterback from Wake Forest,
Speaking of Catholics, we really fucked up by shaming the Barstool Notre Dame Twitter account too early for his awesome tweets.
Yes, the account is being run by an insane person. But when you have a Barstool adjacent employee going to the mat with his, "how dare you talk bad about my Catholic religion" take, you gotta let that guy cook. But we just had to bully him off the internet for a couple of days. I think we should encourage that type of behavior out of the college kids who run our Barstool University accounts. I want them to be as crazy as possible. I'm a proponent of encouraging crazy people on the internet. I want to see how far they can take it.
The Fleming Curse is real. Shoutout Sheamus Fleming who moved to Ireland the day of the potato famine. Showed up in Ireland, then the next day BOOM - potato famine. That's hands down my favorite thing Frank has ever said.
The scariest thing happened to me yesterday. I was watching college football and enjoying a pizza. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see that I was 1:42 seconds into an outgoing call to Kirk Minihane. I butt dialed Kirk. One of the scarier moments of my life to be honest. Thank god I didn't say any slurs. Or shit… maybe I should have. Slurs might have been the play.
My new favorite person on TikTok is the janitor who lingers around body builders doing crazy heavy deadlifts, then when they walk away, he casually walks over and moves their weights like it's nothing. I could watch body builders be emasculated all day long.
Ok that'll do it for me. Time to go back to sleep until it's time to spend all of football Sunday learning about immigrants. Ellis Island is probably kind of cool right? I'm a man of culture, I can appreciate a good museum. I think I'm going up in the Statue of Liberty too. It'll be a perfect opportunity to drop my very smart and original tidbit of "The Statue of Liberty was actually gold when France first gave it to us." That should impress the hell out of them.
