Pour One Out For This Idiot Columnist Who Ended Up Spending $78 On A Shitty Airport Burger (And Definitely Not A Ton Of Booze)
Introducing David Brooks. Poor David over here was recently traveling and had to go through the Newark Airport. Now to be fair, airports are the most lawless establishments in the world. Nothing about them is real life. Time and money aren't real in an airport. It could be 5am and there's going to be a full bar of folks getting completely obliterated before their flight. You could end up paying $7 for a cliff bar. Or you could be like our pal David over here and end up spending $78 on...rather underwhelming meal.
Now something to note about David Brooks is that writes for the New York Times, so clearly he doesn't give a shit about facts. Luckily for him, however, there are plenty of other people on Twitter who were happy enough to provide the facts for him. And according to those in the know, this meal typically only runs you around $17.
Now you might be wondering to yourself why would David Brooks just blatantly lie about something like this? Is it just to go viral? Just to stir up controversy? While that's not totally out of the realm of possibility, I think our guy Dave might actually have something a little more elaborate up his sleeves.
You see, ol' Davey boy is clearly enjoying a nice cocktail to go along with his burger. Chances are he's traveling for work, so he'll get to expense his meal. If it's going on the company's dollar, might as well treat yourself to some top shelf scotch. The burger and fries may have only cost $17, but $61 worth of scotch is part of the meal, too. But he can't let the nerds in accounting realize they're paying $60 for him to get hammered every time he goes to the airport. He needs to find a way to justify that expense report. The lightbulb goes off in his head, and he can just blame the economy on that. It's the airport, after all, and nobody knows how much anything at the airport actually costs. Could be $17, could be $50, could be $78, who knows.
All David Brooks knows is that he had a perfect plan to be able to expense some delicious scotch to the company. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids on Twitter coming with the facts in the community notes.