New Love Boat: Nantucket Doctor Celebrated His Terminal Cancer Diagnosis By Throwing a Drugs-Hookers-Orgy-Porn Boat Party

Daily Mail - Porn was being filmed onboard a retired doctor's party yacht before cops swooped and arrested him on suspicion of drug and gun charges, according to new police documents. 

Scott Burke, 69, was released on a $200,000 bail last week after his lawyer told Plymouth Court that he has terminal stage four cancer - and just months to live. 

When I started reading this article, I really wanted to have this man's back. I thought he was a role model. A textbook example of how to live out your final days. How many people have said, "when I'm old and almost dead, I want to do all the things I've been scared to my whole life". Usually those things are drugs and prostitutes. This doctor nailed that part.

The man told the Nantucket Police Department that the boat had ketamine, Adderall, ecstasy and cocaine on board. 

Law enforcement sources previously told the Current that several prostitutes were found on the boat. No charges have been brought against Burke on these claims. 

A perfectly fine way to go down swinging. There's nothing wrong with getting prostitutes. We're sex positive here at Barstool Sports, and if a woman wants to use the tools at her disposal to make a living for herself, that is perfectly acceptable. And if she's willing to star in the creepy terminal doctors homemade porno, then more power to her. Plus, who among us doesn't want to see what it feels like to take ketamine and ecstasy at the same time. Personally, I bet it feels like your heart exploding followed by death, but if you don't have much time left anyways then fuck it. Catch that buzz.

But he just had to take it too far. He very much had the right idea. The perfect idea really. But you can't make the women feel unsafe on your orgy drug boat. That's rule #1.

A police report previously said that cops raided the boat after reports of a distressed woman who 'did not feel safe' on board and possibly suffered an overdose. 

You can't force non-terminal people to engage in the same despicable life-threatening behavior your terminal self in engaging in. You can't bring others down with you. Most people aren't days away from certain death, and would much prefer to not speedball themselves to death. And when you bring guns into the situation it become a whole other thing.

Authorities found 43 grams of cocaine, 14 grams of ketamine, a .380 pistol, three 30-round 9mm magazines, and a 12-round magazine in a 9mm pistol, according to the police report.

It also stated that multiple rounds of ammo were found on the bedroom floor of the yacht, with the doctor allegedly admitting the guns were his. 

He told authorities he owned the boat and had a license to carry firearms - with the investigation confirming that Burke's license to carry in Florida expired in 2022.  

Now I must admit, jetting off on a boat and shooting guns at fish sounds like a blast. I'm pretty sure that's not a legal thing to do, but gun fishing objectively sounds awesome. But a 'guns' x 'drugs' x 'willingness to die' cocktail is a dangerous one. In the industry we call that a 'wild card'. 

Again, he had the right idea. So if you're ever given a death sentence for a health related reason, try to do about 40% what this guy did. Or try skydiving. Or spend your entire bank account on courtside season tickets. Or maybe just spend it with your loved ones. But most importantly, don't scare the hookers.