Re-Election 101: PA Governor Promises To Get New Kelly Green Eagles Hoodie For Whoever Got Theirs Stolen By The Escaped Murderer
Imagine this--the Eagles have their home opener tomorrow night against Minnesota. We're supposed to have a low temperature somewhere in the mid-50s for Thursday night. It's the perfect opportunity to toss on your lucky Eagles hoodie for the first time of the season. We're still over 24 hours away from kickoff, but preparation is key. You go to grab your hoodie out of the closet just so you can plan your gameday fit ahead of time and...it's not there.
You start yelling down to your wife asking where it is. Did she really have the audacity to go into your closet and throw it into a donation pile? She says that hoodie is disgusting, you've never washed it once, and she hasn't touched it. Maybe one of your shit head kids took it to wear to school. You yell across the house to them to bring it back to you, but they haven't seen it either. You feel like you're losing your mind. Like your family finally drove you to the brink of insanity. And then all of a sudden you catch the breaking news on TV out of the corner of your eye...
That fucker stole your hoodie. And the worst part about it is that the cops ended up cutting it off his body when loading him into the truck. It's gone. It's ruined. That piece of shit.
But here comes PA Governor Josh Shapiro to save the day. Call it pandering, call it desperate for re-election, or call it whatever you will. But Josh Shapiro using his powers to make sure whoever just lost their lucky Eagles hoodie the day before the home opener gets a new Kelly green replacement? That's how you win over the voters. That's politicians doing what they were elected to do in the first place--work for their constituents. It's about damn time we see a politician put the people first.
Personally, however, I would probably go with one of these as a replacement.
So if anybody knows the poor bastard who got his hoodie snatched by Cavalcante, I'll do my best to get a crewneck sent out their way.
Go Birds.