Does This Look Like The Face Of A Smoker Who Allegedly Assaulted Walgreens Employees With Snickers Bars After They Refused To Sell Him Cigs? (BONUS: Top 3 Candies To Use As A Weapon)

TSG - A Florida Man was arrested early yesterday after allegedly pelting a pair of Walgreens workers with Snickers bars during a 1:20 AM confrontation, police report. The employees were not injured in the candy fusillade.

Cops say that Idel Noy-Quesada, 23, tangled with workers after unsuccessfully trying to buy cigarettes at a Walgreens store in Clearwater. Noy-Quesada had shown a photo of an ID card, but “was refused service due to the business’s policy,” according to a criminal complaint.

Denied his smokes, Noy-Quesada reportedly became “irate” and began throwing Snickers bars at a female employee, who was hit in the face by the airborne candy, which contains nougat, caramel, and peanuts, all of which are enrobed in milk chocolate.

A second worker then told Noy-Quesada to leave the store, but he refused. Instead, Noy-Quesada, who appeared intoxicated­­, allegedly threw several Snickers bars at the other Walgreens employee, striking him in the chest.

Listen, I'm not saying anyone deserves to get rocked in the grillmix by a high-speed combination of nougat, caramel and peanuts enrobed in milk chocolate - especially at their place of employment. Still, if you're working the counter at Walgreens at 1:20am and decide to enforce some absurd store policy as to why you can't sell a legal adult a pack of menthols then you're kinda asking for it. Not trying to belittle anyone's paychecks but I'm gonna have to net a lot more weekly than what I suspect a cashier makes if you want me to play hero against late-night riffraff…in Florida no less. 

If anything, I hope this serves as a reality check for these employees. They got lucky this time. It was only candy and not steel or lead. Hell they're fortunate it was only Snickers. If I was Idel Noy-Quesada with a nice buzz feigning for a smoke, there's a few candies I could've done much more damage with than a Snickers.

3. PAYDAY

Probably the same length and weight as a Snickers. Got some force behind it. If you're whipping it long-ways you can get some solid speed & spin. Difference is, no candy-coating. Feel like with those jagged peanut edges you could make someone's forehead look like a golf ball if you use your bottom half and really lean into your pitching motion.

2. TWIZZLERS

Granted, embarking on your rampage with Twizzlers requires a lot more patience & commitment which most people likely wouldn't have in this situation. I mean if you did you'd just move along to the next gas station or convenience store for your smokes. Still, there's the type of psychopath out there willing to unpack the largest pack of licorice they can find and start doling out welts that last for days to avenge their nicotine injustice. Really get up close and personal while leaving your mark.

1. YORK PEPPERMINT PATTY

I swear to God if that was me jonesing for a cancer fix I'd have left all of Walgreens without eyeballs carving minty chocolate discs through the air. Hammering baby blues loose from their sockets & plinko-ing down their skulls before swiping myself a carton on the house. You wanna walk around looking like The Seer from Vikings for the rest of your life just to protect the Walgreens shield? Then don't be an idiot. Sell the fucking cigarettes next time or end up a blindo.