Joey Chestnut Lost An Eating Competition To My Dark Horse Bet To Beat Him In The 4th Of July Hot Dog Eating Contest

While you were out getting drunk on marqs over Labor Day in the name of Jimmy Buffett, hard working Americans like Joey Chestnut punched in on the clock. The only problem was so did hard working Austrialians. Hard working Australians like James Webb. 

"His technique, he said, is to put the entire wing in his mouth, then pull out the end, swiftly denuding the bone with his teeth like a primitive god of gastronomic brutality."

That was James Webb describing his technique that helped him eat 276 buffalo wings to win the National Buffalo Wing Festival in Orchard Park, New York over the holiday weekend. I don't think I'm going too far in saying that's the most beautiful quote ever penned in culinary history. This kid from Down Under is a poetic freak and he left Joey Chestnut in second place with a poultry 240 wings in his belly. 

If you don't know who James Webb is don't bother Googling or you'll think he's a telescope. Just know he was my dark horse pick to win the 4th of July hot dog competition. 

Obvioiusly I knew the deck was stacked against everyone not named Chestnut, but the fact that Webb was able to dominate Chestnut in ANY official eating contest is proof that my patented weinerlytics weren't just plumped up content.

Basically, my theory hinged on this 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest graph below (results up to 2022).

The data don't lie. Most contestants make drastic improvements in the 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest in their second or third year of competing as demonstrated by the fat plumped up lines. Webb's first year was in 2022 and was better than every other big name's first year (including Chestnut) except the great Kobayashi. Idea being Webb is likely to also improve drastically from a much higher starting point than everyone else. And as it turned out, he ended up downing 47 in 2023 to top the 41 in his inagural appearance giving this theory a bun to rest on. So the fact that he's out there winning at other competitions tracks with the now, dare I say, established mainstream weinerltyics. 

I can't wait for 4th of July to bet on Webb again. I'm sure he'll still be a massive underdog, but if he can pull off what I think he's capable of, I might be able to win back the money I haven't yet lost betting on the NFL this season. (Just kidding, the Chiefs already fucked me).

The point is: trust the weinerlytics. There's no offseason in Major League Eating. You're either grinding, or being ground. 

- Jeffro