Why Are You Booing Me, I'm Right! AGAIN!

When I became a father I unlocked a level of courage I previously did not know I possessed. Lest we forget the great wisdom from GEN Colin Powell, "Courage is not the absence of fear, rather it is moving forward despite that fear." This courage allowed me to stare the internet in the face and proclaim my truths these last couple of months knowing full well what would be staring back at me on the other side. Hate. Vitriol. Insults about my lack of hair. You name it, I've heard it. I've taken the best shots the internet has to offer and I'm still standing. Standing proudly to continue to be a voice for the voiceless, proclaiming to all that I will not go quietly into that good night. 

I took another stand this week and the boo birds came out in full force. The latest? My truth about dessert. 

Folks, cake is just not good. I'm not saying every cake ever is bad but it follows the same scouting report on cannoli - if only 1 in every 10 cake is good, how good is it as a team? 

You know why molten lava cake is a pretty solid dessert? Because of all the other team members doing the heavy lifting. The ice cream. The fudge. The caramel. All those guys together make it an enjoyable dessert but due to the cake on the bottom, I think it gets overrated into the top tier of desserts. 

I have a theory as to why cake gets so much love and spoiler alert, it ain't because it's good. We, as a society, hold cake in high regard because it is tied to happy memories throughout our lives. Birthday parties growing up, milestones like graduations, or when that kid in Matilda polished off that entire chocolate cake right in Trunchbull's face. We think back on these events and lump cake in with that joy but cake had nothing to do with any of those memories. Often, the cake was forgettable but somehow rides the coattails of good memories to the Mt. Rushmore of desserts. 

Ask yourself this - when was the last time you just got cake for no reason? You were sitting at home on a Sunday watching football and thought, "I could use some cake" or it was a hot day in the summer and you had a hankering for cake. Not molten lava cake either. Just straight cake. Never!  You do go get ice cream though. You do get a milkshake though. You can do whatever you want as an adult and what do you do? You run to Dairy Queen for a Blizzard. You don't hit up a bakery and ask for cake. 

How about at weddings at the end of the night and you know what you see? A ton of tables with plates of untouched cake. 

What do we serve after big meals at the holidays? Pie. Why? Because pie is better than cake. 

So please stop trying to make cake happen. Quit lying to yourselves and others. Be honest and just proclaim loudly, "Ok, Cons, you're right. I don't really like cake. It's just kind of always there."

P.S. Brownies and cookies slap harder than cake too.