If You Were Worried About Being Kidnapped As A Child You Were A Huge Pussy (Or Good Looking)

As one of the most easily kidnappable people in the office, I've never been worried about getting abducted by a stranger in a white van. I was definitely hot enough as a child, TRUST ME, but I guess my speed, elusiveness, and ability to slip through the bars of a cage was enough of a deterrent. Criminals are looking for the easiest target, which is how two time HOF wrestler Ric Flair was taken. As a baby, Ric Flair, was kidnapped and sold on the blackmarket. The Nature Boy was one of the many victims of one of the largest child trafficking rings in United States history. 

I was terrified of monsters, which should have been a higher seed than #6 in the bracket. If you aren't scared of monsters hiding under your bed as a kid, you were either a total hardo, or a complete idiot lacking any imagination. I'm also biased because the movie Little Monsters scared the shit out of me as a kid. Looking at the poster, I probably shouldn't have been as afraid of Fred Savage playing a gay, child magician alongside Howie Mandel, but there were some bone chilling moments in that movie. Especially when the kids have to saw the legs off of their beds to close the portal to the monster world, and friendly Howie Mandel turning into an evil version of himself. It was real to me, damnit. 

Nickelodeon shows like Are You Afraid Of The Dark? understandably gave us all long lasting nightmares, but I had no idea Nicktoons like Rugrats and Rocko's Modern Life would leave me with such deep rooted trauma. I wouldn't have given a fuck about #4 swallowing a watermelon seed if it wasn't for crusty, old ass Grandpa Lou convincing us a watermelon seed will grow in your stomach if swallowed. 

This scene with Angelica watering the seed in Chuckie's stomach to force an explosion is some of the most tense television ever created. All thanks to Grandpa Lou spreading misinformation to a group of infants. 

The #10 seed being The Bremuda Triangle was surprising, because it seems like something that would only affect maritime sailors, but Nickelodeon found a way to make it terrify kids. Luckily, as a child, I never traveled in a small personal craft anywhere near the Atlantic ocean, so The Bremuda Triangle didn't stick with me like the Rugrats watermelon seed episode.

Being a kid ruled when these were the things you were afraid of, and not adult stuff like paying bills, or your boss firing you for not blogging enough over the weekend.