American Hero Arrested For Attempting To Cross Atlantic Ocean in Homemade Hamster Wheel

NY Post - A foolhardy Florida marathoner was busted trying to run across the Atlantic in what is effectively a giant hamster wheel — and with a hurricane racing in.

Reza Baluchi, 44, was spotted late last month about 70 miles off the coast of Tybee Island, Georgia, as Hurricane Franklin caused life-threatening surf and rip current conditions, in a criminal complaint shared by Fox News.

Photos showed him in the middle of the quirky homemade contraption, or Hydro Pod, consisting of a metal drum with inflatable buoys on each side, as well as paddles powered by him running inside the ball.

“Based on the condition of the vessel — which was afloat as a result of wiring and buoys — USCG officers determined Baluchi was conducting a manifestly unsafe voyage,” the affidavit said.

Personally, I think that's dog shit. Since when is having ambition a crime? Are we just going to lock up everybody with an idea? How are we supposed to progress as a country if we stifle the dreams of our greatest innovators? Reza Baluchi isn't a man to be reprimanded. He's a man to be celebrated. A man we should all strive to be someday.  

While the rest of us sit in our respective offices hitting our Peach Ice vapes like oxygen as we give mediocre takes based on random New York Post articles, men like Reza Beluchi are out in the world trying to make things happen.

But now, the Coast Guard didn't like that. The Coast Guard said," tHeRe'S a HuRriCanE coMinG, yOu hAvE tO gO hOmE." Fuck that. Are were just going to crumble at the site of a measly hurricane? You know who else crumbled due to a hurricane? The New Orleans levees circa 2005. And those levees shit.

Why are we not allowed to do things that are a risk to nobody but ourselves? If doing something highly dangerous & borderline impossible is illegal, then why did we let Amelia Earhart fly her Easy Bake Airplane over the Pacific Ocean? Not only did we let Amelia Earhart (a woman) embark on her improbable mission, we celebrated her for it. Despite her undeniable failure, we consider her an American hero to this day.

So why are we vilifying Raza Beluchi? Is it the pussification of America? The war on men? Is it the big airline companies attempting to shut down any other viable method of transcontinental travel? Or is it because Raza was carrying a 12-inch knife and a bomb that resulted in a 3-day standoff with the Coast Guard before he finally surrendered?

He claimed to have a 12-inch knife and even a bomb, sparking the three-day standoff before he finally disembarked Friday at the USCG Base in Miami Beach, Florida.

Baluchi’s bizarre attempt to reinvent the wheel dramatically backfired — as he was hit with federal charges for obstruction of boarding and violation of a Captain of the Port order.

It's hard to say. All I know is that Raza Beluchi is a man with a vision. A man who dreams of a world where you can hop into your homemade hamster wheel and cruise across the ocean for a European vacation. Do I disagree with his idea to threaten the Coast Guard with a bomb? Sure. I will concede that threatening a government entity with a bomb is bad form. But aside from the bomb thing, I think he's pretty neat.