A Bunch Of Idiot Scientists Declared That Beer Goggles Are Not Real And Alcohol Does Not Make People Appear More Attractive

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The Guardian- If you thought beauty was in the eye of the beer holder, think again. Scientists have poured cold water – or rather, vodka – on the existence of “beer goggles”: the idea that alcohol makes other people appear better looking. However, it may arm you with the “liquid courage” to approach attractive people, the research suggests.

Previous research, which has typically involved asking people to rate other people’s attractiveness by assessing photos when sober and intoxicated, has produced mixed results. Taken together, these studies indicated that if the beer goggles effect did exist, its magnitude was small, said Prof Molly Bowdring at the Stanford Prevention Research Center in Palo Alto, California, who led the latest research.

Bowdring and Prof Michael Sayette of the University of Pittsburgh invited 18 pairs of male friends into the laboratory to rate the attractiveness of men and women they viewed in photos and videos. The reasons for inviting friend pairs was to try to mimic the social interactions that might typically occur in a real drinking situation.

On one occasion, both men were given enough vodka and cranberry juice to raise their blood alcohol concentration to about 0.08% – the legal limit for driving in England, Wales and Northern Ireland and many US states – and on the other occasion, they both received a non-alcoholic beverage.

After providing attractiveness ratings for the photos, they were asked to select which of these individuals they would most like to interact with in a future experiment.

The research, published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, did not find that alcohol increased people’s perceptions of others’ attractiveness. “But we did find that people were more likely to select to interact with the people they perceived to be most attractive after consuming alcohol,” Bowdring said.

No offense to the good professors that conducted this study, but I gotta hit them with my favorite Barstool Sports soundbite of all-time.

I mean what are we doing here? I swear I'm not trying to be one of those conspiracy theorist nutjobs that calls bullshit on every little experiment conducted by a scientist who just so happens to have at least double the IQ of me. But saying that beer goggles is not a real thing is like saying the sky is not blue, the grass is not green, and the New York Mets are not a cursed franchise. 

Certain things are just inherently true no matter how many test cases you can pull out of the scientific method's ass. I'm not just saying that as an idiot blogger writing this with an American flag bathing suit on. I'm saying that as someone that has seen the carnage at night on the dance floor and the next morning in peoples' beds during my 20s. 

Again, you can quote all the scientific mumbo jumbo that got you a PhD all you want. But I'm telling you beer goggles are real through actual real life experiences, regardless of what your hypothesis says just like when Robin Williams bodybagged Will Hunting with his Sistine Chapel line.

Sure you may get different data when you ask some randos to sip on a few cranberry vodkas then point at pictures of attractive people. But that doesn't replace the actual carnal activity of drinking yourself blind and attempting to hook up with someone that you wouldn't look at twice when sober. If these scientist nerds were serious, they would get their test subjects go to a bar on a Saturday night and see who they would want to bring home. Then they would have them drink as much as Dana Beers does on a typical weekend night and see how much their filter has changed. I guarantee the net they cast will grow at least twice in size with traits about these total strangers they once found off-putting or gross they will now see as unique or intriguing. That will probably all change if they wake up in the same bed the next morning. 

Again, I know scientists are rolling their eyes and pointing at their fancy degrees right now. But take one look at me then realize people actually willingly brought me home to their place, almost always after drinking heavily at a bar.