Love is DEAD: Joe Jonas And Sophie Turner Are "Heading Towards Divorce"

Yes, I've heard all of your comments. Barstool is dying, you guys don't post sports, we want the old content back, etc. You want more celebrity news and more divorce drama. And I'm here to provide. Our pop culture correspondent Keegs is off smoking skinny cigarettes in France and I think we just hired another one in Gia but I'm not sure she works weekends. So when I heard the news about Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner, I had one hand wiping the rainfall of tears from my eyes, and the other went straight to the robot keyboard to type this blog.

This one is a little strange though. Apparently Joe Jonas is on tour and his wife is with him while this news is all going down?

Not sure how that works but whatever. Celebrity relationships have long been like free trials. It seems in 2023 they don't even get close to the free trial period. They're dropping like flies these days, so with that being said, Selena Gomez let's chat. Let's hear from noted celebrity chaser Big Cat:

I can't believe it either Cat. And listen, I'm sorta new to the celebrity divorce beat. I have to think of how Keegs would write this blog. Let me try:

Another man too AFRAID of his POWERFUL wife and can't keep his dick up. Umm, you can't handle the heat of dating a queen of the magnitude of Sansa Stark? Your loss buddy. Can't wait for Mother Taylor to write a lyric about how unloveable this dork is. Did I mention that venus retrograde is gagging sis? She just snagged another one. Love is dead.

How'd I do? Another one bites the dust.