The Fact That Phil Kessel Hasn't Been Signed Yet Proves That 32 NHL GMs Are All A Bunch Of Dumbasses
David Becker. Getty Images.We're just a little over a month away from the start of the 2023-24 NHL season. You're already starting to see guys gearing up for training camps which are right around the corner. You've got teams starting to lock in their guys who were set to hit free agency next season like Auston Matthews. And while all of these preparations are being made to head into the season, Phil Kessel is still waiting at home by his phone.
Sportsnet -- The three-time Stanley Cup champion wants to play again in 2023-24. But, the most significant detail is that he’s let teams know it won’t be a problem if he’s not an every-day player.
Letting teams know this detail in advance is important, because ending these streaks causes enormous stress if there is not buy-in from the player. In 2020-21, for example, Florida teammates made their displeasure very clear when the Panthers wanted to scratch Yandle from the lineup at the start of the season. He didn’t miss a game.
What are we even doing here? In what world should Phil Kessel need to make any sort of special accommodations for teams to sign him? This is Phil the mother fucking Thrill we're talking about here. The man is a 3x Stanley Cup champ. He might be getting a little older, but he still had 14 goals last season. That little 19-year-old twerp your team is about to call up ain't putting up 14 goals this year. He's going to get his shit shoved around for 9 games before you realize you need to ship his ass back to the O. You're really going to keep a roster spot open for that dork over the The Thrill?
This just goes to show that any moron can get a job as an NHL GM these days. Apparently as long as you know at least one person in the league, you're qualified. You used to have to know how to construct a roster. You used to have to know how to piece together some cheap young talent, elite players in their prime, and some veteran leadership to ultimate hoist Lord Stanley's Cup in June. Nowadays it's just give away $10+ million to whatever player on your team has the most Instagram followers. It's maddening.
Phil Kessel is one of the last true beauties still standing in this game. If we lose Phil, then the game belongs to the TikTokers from now on. I need one GM out there to turn on their brain and sign the man. If Alexis Lafreniere can get $2.325M, then there has to be someone out there with at least an extra $1.5M laying around for the KessDawg. Looking at you, Flyers.