Gene Parmesan Only Being In ONE Episode Of Arrested Development Seasons 1-3 Is The Fakest True Fact Ever

So I got tagged in this tweet earlier today and couldn't have been quicker to dismiss it. I don't know what to believe on Elon's Twitter/X/Whatever It's Called these days now that he's paying people good money to people that go viral. But I knew for certain that ol' Dildo Baggins was pulling my leg with this tweet.

So what did I do to prove Ms. Tolkin was full of shit? I went to a corner of the internet that is never EVER wrong: The fan-made Wikipedia sites for TV shows that absolute diehards writer and constantly monitor. I went to the Gene Parmesan entry for Arrested Development to see all of his appearances, which left me more stunned than Lucille every single time Gene revealed himself from a perfect costume.

Character history

Season Two

Lucille hired Gene to track down George Sr. when he escaped prison. Gene found the stair car in Mexico, a lead that Michael followed up. Lucille later hired Gene to track G.O.B. who made her suspicious when he was trying to be her friend. Gene eventually followed G.O.B. to Mexico, where he was hired by Michael to help Ice and G.O.B. find George Sr.. ("¡Amigos!")

Michael calls Gene to track down Officer Taylor's address, but Gene is not seen or heard by the audience. ("Hand to God")

Gene in disguise in "Off the Hook"

Season Four

Lucille hired Gene as her P.I. to find evidence against Herbert Love. Gene got photos of Love with a redheaded prostitute. When Michael visited her and suspected G.O.B. of dating Rebel, Lucille told him to hire Gene to follow him. Gene and Michael then follow G.O.B. in his limo. ("Queen B.") Gene and Michael follow G.O.B. to My Little Ballroom where Gene buys a knife that can "both filet a chicken and subdue an intruder" at Thin Wally's Knife Store. ("A New Attitude")

At Cinco de Cuatro, Gene gives Buster two cups of Donkey Punch at the Chicken Dan's tent (whilst wearing a sombrero, poncho and fake moustache.) ("Off the Hook")

Season Five

Gene is seen with Buster's rock monster costume from Fantastic 4: An Action Musical. ("Family Leave") Lottie calls Gene Parmesan to the witness stand. He was disguised as an assistan at Buster's trial. On Cinco, he says he was working undercover at the Donkey Punch stand. Gene did give Buster some Donkey Punch, but Buster knocked out Herbert Love and left the rock costume behind. Gene took the costume and performed in the musical. Therefore Buster has no alibi. Lucille says she was never impressed by Gene's disguise. This is shown not to be true when she yells again when she thinks he's appearing again.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me. I would have bet every dollar in my bank account that this was another example of social media fake news with Gene blowing Lucille's mind as a master of disguise AT LEAST three times a season every season dating back to Season 1. Instead I learned that tweet was actually all right just like Buster Bluth with all but one of Gene's appearances coming in the dark days known as the Netflix seasons.

Now to be fair, the only thing I remember from the fourth season was being underwhelmed and bummed out that one of the best TV shows I ever saw returned with a disjointed story. That was likely due to the show having to be shot at different times to accommodate the schedules of a bunch of actors that blew up in the years between Arrested Development getting cancelled and then revived. 

Also to be honest, I didn't even bother to watch Season 5 because the disappointment from Season 4 left a bad taste in my mouth and the reviews for the fifth season were astonishingly bad. But perhaps I was too tough on Season 4 since I have such warm feelings for all of Gene Parmesan's unbelievable reveals, which pretty much all took place after the Golden Age of Seasons 1-3. It's either that or Gene put the fucking team on his back Greg Jennings style because that was a Hall of Fame bit that is forever burned in my brain despite me not really remembering anything else from that season.

Obligatory Greg Jennings video.

FUCK YOU GUMBY!!!

h/t Wyatt