My Queen Monica Bellucci Says She Was Happy to Be Sexually Objectified. That Makes Two of Us.

I'm on record as saying this and I will repeat it now. If there was a Female Fantasy Draft, where you could pick any woman from any era, and I had the No. 1 pick, the first name off my board would be ... my own enchanting Irish Rose. (That was a close one.) But if we limited the talent pool to just famous celebrities, I'm going with Monica Bellucci and not concerning myself with whether I could wait and take her in a later round. She has always been a blue chip, plug-and-play, ready from Day 1 starter and a mortal lock Hall of Famer. 

Invariably when her name comes up though, you get that look like the dog gives you when he doesn't know which hand to have the deli ham in. I get that. She lacks the name recognition of the other legends. Owing largely to the fact her native language is Italian and she's better known overseas than she is in the States. She's that actress that you think might have been in that thing you kinda remember seeing. Even in the blockbusters she's done, she's generally a side character. The Matrix trilogy, for example:

Even while she's about to turn 59 next month, Bellucci just starred opposite Toni Collette in a Mob comedy that got positively chainsawed by critics and was out of the theaters before anyone had a chance to miss it. But even there, the one who played the mom in Hereditary got all the top billing and was the only one on the movie poster.

The reason I bring Bellucci up is an interview she just gave where she talks about what it's been like to be one of the most romantically desirable women to ever walk the Earth. Spoiler: She says it's not half bad:

Daily Mail - Monica Bellucci admits she was happy to be sexually objectified during the early years of her career because it helped turn her into a global phenomenon. 

The Italian star rose to prominence as a model with Dolce & Gabbana before transitioning to TV and film, with notable roles in Francis Ford Coppola's adaptation of Bram Stoker's Dracula and Mel Gibson's controversial religious epic The Passion Of The Christ. 

And Bellucci, 58, credits the objectification she experienced as a young model and actress for giving her a solid professional foothold. 

She told Harper's Bazaar Spain: 'Being objectified didn't bother me. When I felt that critical attitude towards me, I went along with it. Sometimes beauty creates masks.' 

Referring to two early films in which Bellucci appears nude, she added: 'And then I've also made the most of body in certain roles, haven't I? Like in Malèna or Irreversible.'

And that is how you handle that. 

Maybe going through life an an incredibly attractive person with the perfect features and physical attributes that appeal to the superficial male isn't all it's cracked up to be. To listen to your typical Hollywood bombshell talk, you'd think it was a hellish existence to look amazing on camera and get paid millions because the hoi polloi will pay money just to look at your image projected on a giant screen. Just to cite one obvious example, Megan Markle, who was shook by the fact no one was interested in her thoughts and opinions while she was holding up suitcases on a game show:

But give me Monica Bellucci's attitude any day. Her beauty has been a gift, and she treats it as such. And shares that gift with those of all less fortunate. There's no fake humility with her. She doesn't try to pull the old "I don't see myself as all that attractive" thing. She's not, "Guys like me because I can hang, youknowwhatImean? Drink beer and burp and all that" the way Jennifer Lawrence does. 

Bellucci is authentic and comfortable in her exquisite skin.  She has a look that arouses feelings in others, and she's made the most of them. That is to be celebrated. Just as you should when you see an athlete do things you can only dream of. As Voltaire put it, "Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well." 

One tiny point of order though. The article goes on to say that Monica is dating Tim Burton. 

Sylvain Lefevre. Getty Images.

Which has me conflicted. On the one hand, because this coupling feels like it goes against the natural order. But on the other, the fact a peculiar, odd-looking, bespectacled, creative genius can land a world class girlfriend like her is inspirational to me for some reason. On the other, other hand, he's cast her in Beetlejuice 2, so we all win.

But the most important takeaway is that it's rewarding to know someone of Monica Bellucci's caliber is OK with being sexually objectified. Please allow me to accommodate. It's the least I can do to show our appreciation:

Ciao.