The Brady-Gisele Arms Race Escalates as She's Dropping Lingerie Modeling NUKES Once Again

Theo Wargo. Getty Images.

We're fast approaching a full year since the Tom Brady-Gisele divorce was finalized and rocked the very foundations of the Earth. And as I said at the time, even the most friendly, amicable splits can turn into an all-out contest.  A sporting event to see who can be happier, post-breakup. That's especially hen the parties involved are both hyper-competitive, highly accomplished people who have never settled for a half-measure in their entire, highly successful lives. 

So we can expect this one to be an ultramarathon. A Spartan's Race of personal fulfillment. First, it was Gisele:

Eventually, Brady answered:

And that was a shot heard 'round the dating and supermodel world. If Gisele dating Elle MacPherson's super rich ex was her testing the Trinity weapon in Los Alamos, Brady bringing Irina Shayk back to his suddenly swinging bachelor pad was the Soviets responding with First Lightning four years later. 

But now, things have escalated beyond the worst nightmare of the physicists. After putting her career on hold to be a wife and a mother, Gisele has done what she said she intended to do: Get back to her first great passion, which is looking amazing while getting her picture taken in ladies' underthings. Specifically, Victoria's Secret underwear. 

And with all that female empowerment talk, about how "loving yourself is not a selfish act" and honoring herself and her needs?

This is the Soviets unleashing Tsar Bomba, the first thermonuclear one that was more than 1,500 times the power of the Hiroshima bomb. Her ex is taking up with a lingerie model? She's going to show the world what the GOAT of lingerie modeling looks like. And as incredible as the destructive power of this post is, we should all shudder to imagine what the GOAT of quarterbacking and life is going to come up with in response. 

Get your underground bunkers stocked and ready, everybody. It's about to get hot on this planet.