For Immediate Release: I'm Back

[Editor’s Note: This is solely a Clickbate Smits production. All about the content, pageviews, and jokes!]

Barstool is BACK, baby! What a turnaround for our King, Lord, and Savior David Portnoy! And what do we have to reignite the Pirate Ship but dumb dumb blockhead Smitty being L-A-Z-Y once again! A tail as old as the time he was playing Fortnight for 12+ hrs an all-nighter and the Epic servers definitely didn't go down at 7am - He fell asleep!!! What a LOSER 4+ years ago when that happened and what a LOSER now! 

7 blogs in July?!?!?! SEVEN?!?!?! I can do that with my sack in my sleep! It doesn't matter Braindick Smitty had his second kid under two just 9 weeks ago and was on "Maternity" leave for over half that time, a lot of people who are fertile have children! Deal with it! The people need the blog and the blog they shall get! Maybe not from Smitty, who has been uselessly employed at Barstool Sports since 2011, but you're now going to get an OVERLOAD of what we're all sure will outrageously original and hilarious material on a blog that once again matters!  And I'm back, baby, leading the way in the Pageviews game and holding EVERYONE at Barstool Sports accountable! Fire Smitty not only off the blog but into the sun! Give me his job and his family! I'll Prima Nocte his blockass back to the Pasta Stand where he belongs! 

But before we go forward, we must go back and a one of the all-time clickbait greats! Say hello again to the QUEEN of the pre-sportsbook Barstool SPORTS blog in the name of pageviews circa 2018-2019, Alexis Ren! All Hail The Queen!