It Has Come To My Attention That I Might Be Ugly

So this is the worst most viral video on the internet this week. This poor, miserable, schub stuck in a car with a wife he regrets who is about to make a sport out of making him drive into the median. Everyone is laughing and cringing all at once. Then there the next thing they do is say I look exactly like him. Dozens of tags across multiple platforms. "hey Chief, you miserable disgusting loser...you look exactly like this other miserable loser". Not great. If Bezos and Zuck really were listening they should be sending me targeted ads for therapy or rope because apparently my twin somehow ended up in the worst life imaginable. 

And that comes a week after everyone was saying that I looked like Lena Dunham

Body type...maybe. I've let myself become a little milk-baggy. I never thought my face would be compared to a woman hated the world over. I never thought I had gender-neutral features other than my tits, but here we are. I've skated by my entire adult life on being 6'1, having a job, a full head of hair, and some charm. All this time I thought it was my looks that got me dates. Nope. I am a miserable looking feminine milk bag. And that is just the thing...the thing that is harder to admit...I see it. I see why people are making the comparisons. Especially the first guy. The weak ass beard, the eyebrows...are we twins? No. Are we related...probably. 

So yeah, you guys can stop tagging me. I am aware of the situation. The only chance I have to overcome these genes is to get insanely rich and the only way that happens is if you guys start listening to the mid show at Alex Cooper levels. Please click and subscribe