This Bikini-Wearing, Limousine-Riding, Jet-Flying Soccer Analyst Is My New Rival After She Keeps Talking About Harry Kane Joining Bayern

I don't know if Valentina Maceri flies in jets or rides in limos, I just assume so and wanted to use a little Ric Flair in the headline. Sue me. What I do know is she won't stop talking about Tottenham having to sell Harry Kane to Bayern. No thank you! I say no ma'am! Harry Kane is a Spur, I want him to stay a Spur. I know it seems like every year lately he's linked to move to Man U, Bayern, PSG or someone like that. But, hey, call me a fan, I'd prefer our best goal scorer to stay in North London and try to get us one of those trophy things people keep talking about. 

I want to scream tampering, but I don't think that actually exists anymore (except when the Knicks hired Jalen Brunson's dad to sign him. Worth it.)

Again, I understand the business. But we're fans here. Most of the time we don't want to lose one of our guys, especially to Bayern. Fuck that. I was in the market for a new rival anyways. Valentina might not know it yet, but if Kane leaves for Bayern we're full-blown rivals.