I Am Removing David Montgomery From My Fantasy Football Big Board After Watching Him Get Absolutely Ragdolled By His Resistance Band While Working Out

I know it's still a little early for fantasy football rankings unless you are on the beach reading one of those fantasy football magazines that have been outdated for months or a sick fuck like Steven Cheah that is always crunching numbers and monitoring depth charts. But I think I have to put a big ol' DO NOT DRAFT note next to David Montgomery after seeing him get absolutely mollywhopped by his own training equipment. 

Yes I completely understand that no fantasy owner with a brain was taking David Montgomery early because Jahmyr Gibbs can be a stud and everybody has a slight twinge of fear drafting a Lion not named Barry Sanders or Megatron because of the decades of absolute hell that franchise has been through. In fact, I don't think you actually draft David Montgomery in fantasy as much as you are the fantasy owner that accepts you have to take him when every other option that is better or more fun is gone, which leads you to saying "Ahhhh fuck it, just give me David Montgomery".

But the Lions did have a good offense last season with Ben Johnson calling the plays and a stacked offensive line that just turned Jamaal Williams from Aaron Jones' backup that lived on your waiver wire until Jones got hurt to a 1,000 yard back that scored 17 rushing touchdowns before cashing in with the Saints. So obviously my dumbass was ready to pencil in Montgomery on my team by using the same extremely flawed logic that has me comfortably in 6th place of my league every year and saying he would be another undervalued unsexy running back from a rival NFC North team that would put up double digit touchdowns because a completely different player just did it.

HOWEVAH, you simply cannot draft a guy that can't even get a win during his offseason workout videos during this time of year when every player looks like a lock to make an All-Pro team on their Instagram as they work out in slow motion while (Insert famous 2023 rapper here) sings in the background. Yes this is coming from someone who wouldn't be able to stretch the resistance band an inch from that tire. Yet everything I said was true.

So my apologies to the seven or so people that still believe in David Montgomery being a fantasy football difference maker. You will always have The Run.