Being A Backup Goalie In Beer League Hockey Has To Be The Greatest Position In All Of Sports
FOTOGRAFIA INC.. Getty Images.In theory, being a backup goalie in any sport with a goal to tend would be pretty sweet. For the most part you're just hanging out every game and don't have to actually do anything. You get to sit there on the bench with a towel draped around your neck, open a few doors, fill up a few water bottles, and not have to deal with any of the pressure of actually playing the most important position in the game. And when you actually do have to go in and play between the pipes? Nobody has any expectations of you anyway, so it's not like you have anything to be worried about.
If you're still playing competitive hockey at any level, however, there still has to be at least some sort of fire in you. There still has to be some feeling of regret and shame that you don't have what it takes to be the guy playing on a nightly basis. Nobody grows up dreaming about being a backup one day. You can act like the guy who doesn't give a shit all you want, but deep down inside you still wish you were the guy out there.
But what about when you're old and washed up playing in a beer league?
Well now we're talking. Now we actually may have found the greatest position in sports. Because the only reason you play beer league in the first place is just to get out with the boys every week. It gives you an excuse to gas a few beers on a Tuesday night with the fellas. If you told the old lady you were going out with the men to the bar every Tuesday night at 10pm, your ass would be in the dog house indefinitely. But to go play beer league? Now you've got the green light.
With that being said, there's not a worse position in sports than a starting goalie in beer league. Heck, most teams can't even get one goalie to show up on a weekly basis because they know how much that shit sucks. Nobody plays defense, nobody backchecks. They're just getting shelled with 2v1 and 3v1 rushes all night. It's a miserable way to spend 60 minutes on a random Tuesday night.
The backup beer league tendy, however? Well it's rare. I can't say that I've ever actually seen one in person. Honestly I didn't even think of the possibility that some team dressing 2 goalies in beer league could even exist. But maybe this is a pivotal moment in history where guys realize they should actually just grab an old pair of goalie pads and suit up as a backup goalie from now on. You still get to hang out with the fellas every week. You still get to be a part of the team. You still get an excuse to get out of the house and drink during the week. But now you actually don't have to do anything. You just sit there on the bench, maybe pour a little something strong in your water bottle, open a few doors, let a few chirps fly, and have yourself a night.