Dumping Them Out: Vacation Episode

Welcome back to a special vacation episode of Dumping Them Out. My family tried to talk me out of working . They said, "John, you're on vacation you don't need to blog." But I said, "You obviously have no idea how horny the readers of Barstool Sports are." And they said, "John the internet is like 50% porn, I think they'll be able to figure that out on their own." Then I said, "Yes but we've fired a few people recently and now I'm terrified of not working." 

So to compromise, I said I would write the blog but I would make sure I don't try too hard, and will make sure the content isn't very good. I think that's fair. So like any good television series does when they don't feel like putting forth effort, I will be doing a "Best Of" edition of Dumping Them Out. At this point, about 40% of storage on my computer is taken up by saved Boob GIFs. Might as well put these Boob GIFs to work. 

The problem is I can't really see these GIFs in motion until I actually open it up. When I preview the files they're just still images. I'm kinda just guessing whether or not the GIFs are going to be good when I open them. I could take the time to open them all up individually, judge the women bodies in motion, then determine if they're "Best Of" worthy. But again, I've promised my family I'm not going to put forth effort on this blog, and I'm a man of my word. So I guess it's not really a "Best of Dumping Them Out". It's more of a "Half-Assed Recycled Dumping Them Out." 

I went to a wedding in Cleveland yesterday. I must say, if you've never been hired by Barstool Sports via a public competition like Barstool Idol, then attended a wedding a year later who's guests are primarily frat guys who graduated in 2014, I'd highly recommend it. Especially if you're a vain person like myself who's determines their self-worth solely through the eyes of others, it's a very fun time. Made me feel very great about myself.

Well I'm out of things to say, so I'm going to do 2 impromptu Speed Rankings.

Top 5 Dogs That I Want To Own

1. Bassett Hound - I've always wanted a Bassett Hound. I like their big ears and droopy Bassett Hound jowls.

2. Golden Retriever - They seem like they're probably the best dog overall. I would prefer my Golden Retriever to fit several tennis balls in his mouth at once. Not in a sexual way. Just in a, "Aw how adorable, that Golden Retriever has 4 tennis balls in his mouth" kind of way.

3. Rottweiler - I might want to go with the scary dog option some day. Pit Bulls would be the easiest option, just because there are so many of them that need adopted. But Rottweilers are more bad ass. I've had a Chihuahua for 8 years now, and I love him to death, but I think I would like people to fear me when I walk my dog down the street. A Rottweiler would do that for sure.

4. Australian Shepherd with Brown Eyes - Every time I see an Australian Shepherd, I think they're beautiful, but their piercing blue eyes kind of creep me out. I think most people like their blue eyes, but for some reason they're off putting to me. If I could acquire a nice brown eyed Australian Shepherd, I would very much like that. Even if it has just one brown eye I could do with that.

5. Bernese Mountain Dog - I'd put a small barrel of essentials around his neck and send him into the alps to save stranded hikers. Everyone would love my life saving dog, and would in turn love me.

Peter Hofstetter. Getty Images.

Top 5 Kanye West Songs
It's really a bummer Kanye West went all Hitler on us. He's been my favorite artist since college, but now I feel like I can't really say that because of the whole, "he's a huge piece of shit" thing. But like, the music is still good. I still listen to him all the time. Off the top of my head, here are his 5 best songs. I'm sure I'm going to miss several of them. For the record, I disavow him as a person.

1. Gorgeous - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (I'm sure I've listened to Gorgeous more than any other Kanye song, it never gets old)
2. Spaceship - The College Drop Out (mostly just the Kanye verse, the rest of the song is fine, but I think Kanye's verse is his best of all time)
3. I Am A God/New Slaves/Hold My Liquor - Yeezus (3-way tie, I couldn't decide which one from that album to go with so I just picked them all, it's an incredible run of 3 songs)
4. Diamonds From Sierra Leone Bonus Track (take your diamonds and throw 'em up like you bulimic, yeah the beat cold but the flow is anaemic - that's just a killer line)
5. Otis - Watch The Throne (favorite Kanye beat for sure, I love it when he samples classic songs) 

Honorable Mention: Hell of a Life - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (I feel like a lot of people probably don't like this one but it gets me fired up every time) 

Ok back to vacation.