Is Nothing Sacred Any More? Pornhub Is Being Accused Of Storing Illegal Data In Their Spank Bank

WIRED - There aren't many websites bigger than Pornhub. Each month, more than 2 billion people visit the adult site, spending an average of almost eight minutes browsing and watching videos—an eternity in internet time. All that activity has the potential to generate huge volumes of data. Now Pornhub is facing a series of legal challenges across Europe over the information it collects.

Activists and researchers are filing a complaint today against Pornhub in Italy that claims the company is “illegally” handling the data of millions of people. The complaint—which is based on a technical analysis of the website and its privacy practices and builds upon previously unreported complaints in the country and in Cyprus, where Pornhub is legally based in Europe—alleges that the company falls foul of Europe’s strict GDPR rules, which govern how people’s data can and should be used.

Pornhub doesn’t allow people to easily opt out of being tracked by cookies; the site isn’t clear about the data it shares with third parties; and its algorithm “assigns” people sexual preferences, based on the videos they watch, says Alessandro Polidoro, a digital rights activist and the lead attorney of the litigation. Polidoro is representing #StopDataPorn, a collective that includes researchers and civil liberties organizations involved in the action. Polidoro spoke with WIRED about the legal complaints but did not disclose the text, due to the privacy of individuals involved.

Trust is the basis of any good relationship. If you and your partner don't have trust then you have nothing. And if your go-to porn site can't be trusted to protect the fact you wank it to little people throwing bologna at each other's asses then I'm convinced nothing is scared any longer. 

Apparently Pornhub is being accused of improperly storing the data it collects about us during our average 8 minute trips into the deep end of horny pool. Now I'm not sure who these people are who can get on and then get off from the site in just eight minutes but they must be the best people ever to go out to eat with. Just lightning quick decision makers who order and eat the first picture they see on the menu. 

Then there are people like me, scrolling endlessly looking for self-love in all the very weird, very wrong places.

Let's just say I've seen some shit. Literally and figuratively. Anyway back to the data storage.

There are certain things you are never allowed to store away in the spank bank. A buddy's wife in a bikini from your Myrtle Beach vacation that one time when she had a nip slip after few too many Mai Thais, and your buddy that one time he was looking handsome as fuck in Myrtle Beach after you had a few too many spiked seltzers. 

Just assume they all selected no when you mentally asked if you could collect their cookies. 

This litigation is going to be taking place in Europe so you knows Pornhub must have fucked up. Those Euros are some freewheeling, sexually liberated hornballs with all their funny accents and MDMA fueled orgies. Everything I know about European culture is from Pornhub and let me tell you, those folks love to get picked up by strangers in fake taxis. 

If they're cool with possibly being taken just so they can bust a nut but aren't cool with how Pornhub collects data then their practices must be greasier than the 75th page of any search on their site. 

The final element of the complaints claims that Pornhub uses people’s data and “unilaterally assigns sexual preferences to each individual without their knowledge,” according to statements from the group behind the action. Polidoro claims that someone only needs to watch a small number of videos to be shown more of that kind of content.

This one I totally get. I don't understand why step mom porn is constantly being shoved down my throat (pun intended). I was convinced that the entire world had gone step mom crazy but apparently this is just the sexual preference Pornhub has assigned me. 

Let me decide what type of degenerate I want to be on my own, Pornhub. And stop storing all the things I five knuckle shuffle to. If I want to deplete all the hydration in my body yanking it to every Furry glory hole video I can find then that's my prerogative. No need for you to judge me, my meat already does that enough. 

The fallacy of "Incognito Mode" is something we can get into in another blog but for now I am calling for Mr. Hub to change his illegal data collection ways. The last thing I need is for you to get a little sloppy and my step mom gets ahold of my Pornhub history. That might make for a very awkward Mother's Day next year.

Follow me @WillBurge for more ways I like to bring shame to my family.