Introducing The Summer’s Hottest Fashion Statement: The Ankle Bracelet Monitoring Device

You are forgiven if it took you a couple times viewing this video to spot the device. Those life preservers naturally draw the eyes to them. Very distracting.

But I digress.

Look at little old Chicago leading the way in the fashion division. Midwest standup!

Usually, it takes trends a few months to make its way here from the coasts, but not this time. 

Chicago is a trailblazer when it comes to crime, so it’s only fitting that we found a way to cross it over with fashion. It’s called synergy. Look it up.

Some of you haters may be laughing, thinking this fashionista was out in The Playpen playing hooky from her house arrest, rolling the dice hoping her PO wouldn’t notice her whereabouts, but that’s why you’re an idiot and no nothing about haute-couture. 

I’m not an expert like Feitelberg, and I don’t write for Vogue by any means, but my naked eye tells me that this bracelet is the design from the Kim Foxx line. Very very hot in the streets. David Yurman was so 2022. Kim Foxx is what’s in. You heard it here first. 

P.s.- the sleaze balls with boats who round up a dozen 20-something-year-old girls and tie up in the playpen get a bad wrap, but instances like this are not helping their cause. Clean it up fellas.