Irina Shayk Vehemently Denies She 'Threw Herself' at Tom Brady Over the Weekend

New England Patriots players have long enjoyed a prosperous and symbiotic relationship with the swimsuit model class. Julian Edelman and Adriana Lima. 

Edelman and Ella Rose:

Rob Gronkowski and Camille Kostek:

Danny Amendola and Olivia Culpo:

Amendola and this silver fox:

And of course, Their Royal Highnesses, Tom Brady and Gisele. 

So it came as a surprise to practically no one when it was reported SI Swimsuit Issue star Irina Shayk was all up in the GOAT's stuff at a celebrity wedding over the weekend. You can't fight nature:

It makes perfect sense. He's been on the market for the better part of the year. He's wealthy, intelligent, kind. He's achieved new, previously unattainable levels of handsomeness and success. She, for her part, possesses many of the other qualities prized by the superficial man:

So Brady and Shayk would seem to be a natural coupling. And her pursuing him with everything she has would appear to make perfect sense. 

But not so fast:

Source - Irina Shayk is doubling down against a report that claimed she threw herself at Tom Brady at an A-List wedding in Sardinia, Italy.

After it was claimed that she was spotted getting friendly with Gisele Bündchen's ex-husband, 45, a representative for the 37-year-old supermodel has clarified the situation once again.

Vice President of The Society Management Cheri Bowen told DailyMail.com: 'This story is completely false. It is a totally malicious and fictional account of the evening.'

On Friday, DailyMail.com first reported that the mother-of-one and NFL legend's relationship was 'purely platonic' following rumors that she made a 'a beeline' for him at their pals Joe Nahmad and Madison Headrick's nuptials.  

A source close to Shayk informed DailyMail.com that the duo are 'just friends.' 

Page Six had reported that the Russian beauty, who has previously dated Bradley Cooper, Cristiano Ronaldo and Kanye West, 'scarcely let [Brady] out of her sight' while celebrating billionaire art heir’s wedding to Headrick.

OK, then. She's not interested. They're only friends. 

Riiiggghhhttt. 

In case it isn't obvious, let me explained what happened here. The way I have a million times over the past 20-plus years whenever anyone has aggressively come after Brady. Whether it was a blitzing linebacker, a safety jumping a route, a media member, an NFL lawyer, or a bikini model, allow me to break down the film for you. 

All these eyewitnesses talking about Shayk "throwing herself," making "a beeline" and "scarcely letting him out of her sight" aren't just making up lies out of whole cloth. They're at a billionaire's wedding in Italy, for fuck's sake. What, there weren't enough interesting things going on to hold their attention, so they needed to make up rumors just to kill time until the cake is cut and they can head back to the villa to watch cable? As if. 

It's obvious that what happened here is that Shayk made an aggressive play for Brady, and he shot her down. Because, as he's made it clear, he's retired from football and that Supermodel Dating Life:

He was married to the capo of the Supermodel Crime Family. He's not about to be seen going around with just some lieutenant. He's not going to settle. And certainly not for Cooper's, Ronaldo's, and Ye's sloppy fourths. But he's a nice guy and the Four Agreements would tell him to let her down politely. So he did.

But with the eyes of the entire wedding upon them, Shayk - who is no doubt used to getting any gentleman she sets her sights on - still came away humiliated. For a woman in her situation, getting Friend Zoned could be a career-ender. So her management team scrambled the jets, called every media outlet they could, and created this fiction that her only interest was in a platonic friendship. Of course! Because why would any woman be interested in a world-renown megastar who's breaking the internet even after he's retired from football? I'm sure she just made "a beeline" to him and wouldn't let him out of her sight because she wanted to find out what he thinks about the PGA-LIV merger or whether he's seen Across the Spider-Verse yet. And her intentions weren't the least bit romantic or sexual. 

In other words, Irina Shayk is responding to getting shot down exactly the way we all have at some point in our lives. By lying through her teeth about it. Nice try, sister.