No Other City In The World Could Handle What It Takes To Be A Philadelphian
Handout. Getty Images.They say that tough times never last, but tough people do.
I'll tell you what--I'm starting to think that's a load of malarkey, because these tough times sure as shit don't seem to be going away any time soon. First up we had everybody in the city of Philadelphia catching that Red October Fever again and gearing up for a World Series run. The Phillies felt like a team of destiny. They had a fun song, they were crushing dingers, everything seemed to be lining up for the first October parade since 2008. Then they went ahead and lost to the Houston Astros.
Not that there's a ton of people who are living and dying with the Philadelphia Union, but a win in the MLS Cup Finals would have at least eased the pain of a World Series loss a little. Turns out the Union and Phillies would have their championship dreams crumble to the ground on the same exact day.
But at least the Eagles were a wagon. Easily the best team in the NFC, and they didn't even have to break a sweat to make it to the Super Bowl. But then some asshole grew the worst field ever, turned the Super Bowl into a giant slip n' slide, and the Eagles lost Super Bowl LVII to Kansas City after taking a 10-point lead into halftime.
Sprinkle in the fact that the Sixers are a joke and the Flyers just wrapped up one of the most humiliating seasons in franchise history, and yeah…it was a pretty tough year for Philly sports. But at least the summer is here and everybody can start heading to the shore. You might have to fight the Friday afternoon and Sunday night traffic, but an extra 30 minutes here or there of complete standstill is well worth it once that first 302 from Shenanigan's hits your lips.
Oh what the fuck, man? Now our highways are collapsing right in time to blast everybody in the ass for your weekly drive to the shore?
Any other city on the planet would just pack it up right now and call it quits. Any other city wouldn't be able to handle the constant kicks to the dick that life has been throwing their way. But Philly ain't every other city in the world. We've got heart, we've got grit, and we've got the resiliency it takes to just say "damn, dude" about everything being thrown our way.
We're not looking for pity. We're not looking for any sympathy. All Philly is asking for is maybe just a little bit of a break. Or at the very least, like maybe you should be able to have a drink or two if you're sitting in traffic for over an hour trying to get to the shore this summer. Nothing crazy. At the very least, maybe tell PPA to fuck off for the summer or something like that. Just give us anything to help ease the pain of the past 8 months. Extend Hoagiefest until Christmas. Maybe give us the standard toll prices back on the AC Expressway. You just have to do something because the way things are going right now, it's looking like the city of Philadelphia has an entire population of Joker origin stories starting to form.