My Hole Weak- Another excuse to post pics of Ebanie Bridges.

A couple of things caught my eye this week...

First off, there is a trend on social media where bored people pretend to lead armies of chickens…

I don't find these videos overly creative or amusing, but I did read one comment where a person recalled having a pet chicken that happened to be black, and his family named it Malcolm Eggs.

Similarly, one of my kids won a black beta fish at a local carnival years ago, and we named him OJ Swimson.

OJ died within days of being brought into my home, but not before he chopped the head of one of our goldfish.

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There was an upset in boxing this weekend… Teofimo Lopez beat up on Josh Taylor in MSG last night and took his WBO light-welterweight belt.

JASON SZENES. Shutterstock Images.

I was ringside, it was a great fight, but that's not important.

I was also at the weigh-in on Friday, and if America wasn't turning into enough of a pussy already, this is how fighters face off now…

Sure, there was some smoke between Josh and Teo in the week leading up to the fight, but the fact of the matter is, you gotta let these guys go toe-to-toe after weighing in.  If they're not smart enough to save the violence until they step in the ring and actually get paid for it then that's their fault.  Half the draw of watching a fucking weigh-in is the tension you feel at the face-off.

Unless that face-off involves IBF bantamweight champ (and Clem's favorite boxer), Ebanie Bridges, of course…

Otherwise, seeing elite athletes being held back by doughy bouncers while some sunglassed fat guy in the middle channels his "inner Morpheus" doesn't fly. 

The only thing that saved the event for me was the girls they hired to hold up the belts…

More specifically, their inability to keep their tits contained in a standard-issue sports bra…

Seems like a good time to throw in the fact the aforementioned Ebanie Bridges has an OnlyFans page… 

Someone tell Glenny Balls.

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And finally, in food news (because I am fat)…

Fast-food chicken sandwiches have officially jumped the proverbial shark.

Popeye's was lightning in a jar… Chick-Fil-A has had what many consider the Rosetta Stone of homo-phobic fried chick sandos… And everyone else in the cheap-mediocre-food-served-fast business has followed suit with their own renditions.

Now the Chinese are involved… Panda Express is making a chicken sandwich. 

According to information from a Panda Express representative… 

“The Orange Chicken Sandwich marries the “sweet, tangy flavors with America’s favorite comfort food, fried chicken.” The meal, which also has “a little kick” to it, can easily be enjoyed on the go. More specifically, the sandwich combines breaded white meat chicken breast topped with the classic Original Orange Chicken and a spicy aioli sauce on top of a bed of shredded cabbage and thick crinkle-cut bread and butter pickles. To make you drool even more, the whole shebang is nestled between halves of a soft, sweet King’s Hawaiian bun.”

First off… I was never drooling.  

Secondly, the only time I ever wandered into a Panda Express was after a healthy day-drinking session, and I quickly stormed out after learning they didn't serve actually panda.

So the fact they're taking my General's chicken off of rice and throwing it into bread doesn't move my obese needle.

What did fuck me up in the food world this week was the announcement that Dairy Queen was discontinuing its cherry-dipped ice cream cones…

I've always loved the smell of cherry Chapstick, but it wasn't until I was in my mid-20s that I discovered Dairy Queen's cherry dip is what I always wish my Chapstick tasted like.

As a result, I get a cone maybe 2 or 3 times a summer, and I love them.

Perhaps, the discontinuation is just a marketing ploy to celebrate the Cherry Dip's triumphant return, but my summer will not be the same in their absence… So I now feel the same way about Dairy Queen as I did about Queen Elizabeth.

They are both fucking worthless.

Take a report.

-Large

NASCAR rolls into wine country today, and Spider, Quigs, and I break it all down on Rubbin' Is Racing…

TAR

-L