Tim Dillon Drags Harry & Meghan as 'Low Grade Reality Stars' in a Epic Rant the World Needs

Pool. Getty Images.

It seems to me that if the world still made any sense at all, then the one topic of the times we all agree on would be Harry and Meghan. That the world will all be in lockstep agreement that these two are are fake, inauthentic, transparently self-possessed narcissists, obsessed with chasing clout. Who simultaneously make themselves simultaneously the victims and the heroes of every story they ever tell. In every interview, book, podcast and Netflix docuseries they're ever a part of. 

Sadly, we're not there. Not yet anyway.. There are still people who buy into whatever the Duke and Duchess of Whatever their title is, for reasons that I can't process. 

But fortunately, the tide is beginning to turn. The forces of all that is right and decent in the universe are seeing the veil lifted from their eyes. And they're seeing through the transparent phony baloneyness of these disingenuous frauds. Beginning with the South Park "World Wide Privacy Tour" episode. Continuing with the NYPD after they claimed they were put through a dangerous, harrowing, two-hour long high speed chase:

As well as the cabbie they claimed was barely able to get them to safety. Who denied there was any such chase:

Like anyone needed to be told that. Given that Manhattan is a13 long island and a gridlock of intersections, traffic lights and stop signs. But still, there are people who bought into their obvious bullshit, despite the contradictory testimony and the fact it's super duper physically impossible.

Which brings us to the perfect person to address the Harry and Meghan situation: Tim Dillon. There's not a person in the English-speaking world better equipped to discuss their grift. Or as capable of expressing how we precious few sane people look at these hucksters. And to do it all in a 10 and a half minute rant like no one else could:

Daily Mail - Tim Dillon said he knew people in Los Angeles who know the Duke and Duchess of Sussex - and the couple are 'just like moths to the flame trying to hang out'. …

'I was at a celebrity party the other night talking to somebody about this and they go 'these people are just… it's constant with them'. 

'She was texting the person I was with there - and, 'no, you can't come'. I shouldn't have even been there. But the point is they just won't stop, these two. 

He added: 'They are just like moths to the flame trying to hang out… They're like low-grade reality stars that are trying to attach to anything.

'I'm literally at the party and they are showing me texts of this woman begging people to like 'hang out'. She is trying to get places. It's sad.

'A lot of it isn't working, and they are rolling their eyes to me, and they're going LOL, and we are all having a good laugh about this because they're just a bunch of goons and no one cares.

'Now listen, at the end of day I respect the hustle, I get what she's trying to do, I get what they are trying to do, but it didn't work, right?

'A lot of people at this party were like 'hey man, you know, we text her back, we tried to be nice, she's the Duchess, but we've had enough, we've had enough of her'.'

I pray that this is all true. But at the same time, it's not necessary that it literally happened. Maybe Tim Dillon was at a party where famous people were tooling on the Sussexes while Meghan was in the middle of sucking up to them while they were rolling their eyes and having a laugh at her expense. And maybe he was just making it up. But that doesn't make it any less plausible. Or even less true. It's a meta-truth. It's truer than truth. 

And what's more the public is buying into their nonsense less and less. From the same article:

In January, a poll for Newsweek revealed that Harry's popularity had fallen 45 points in US public opinion in one month, while Meghan's had dropped by 36 points.

So maybe, just maybe, we're at the beginning of the end of having to hear about these two. They're so obsessively self-absorbed and attention whorey that they're all too aware of the South Park and now the fact one of the great comics of our time just trashed them like a Heavy Metal band's hotel room. Plus the way public opinion is turning against them. And hopefully they'll just decide to lay low for a while, quit trying to play the victim card, and just live off the fortune Harry inherited. But that's too much to ask. Instead, I'll just hope Tim Dillon never stops talking about them. Because he delivers the best rants of any comic alive. And no one deserves it more than Harry and Meghan.