I Went Through The Highest Priced Athletes On Cameo To Find The Best And Worst Values (Bonus: The Best And Worst Values At Barstool)
Last week on my podcast my cohost read off some Cameo prices for random athletes. Not only were some of the names insane (I mean who would ever want a message from former journeyman middle reliever Dan Otero?!) but the way some of these guys priced themselves is laughable.
I decided I should do a deep dive into the Cameo catalog and pull out the four most expensive athletes from the three major sports. The names and prices are going to blow your mind. Bonus: I pulled the best and worst values from the Barstool contributors listed on Cameo as well.
Be prepared to be blown away and probably a little pissed off.
NFL
1. Josh Norman - WASH?! - $1,000
This is obviously an insane price for a guy who essentially had one elite year in the NFL, but then again it is Josh Norman. And no one on earth thinks Josh Norman is worth more than Josh Norman. Apparently people don't agree with his ridiculously high self-valuation because he has just two reviews.
Also, you don't play for Washington any more. Hell, you barely play for Carolina since you only saw the field twice last season. Time to come back to reality, Josh.
2. Michael Thomas - CINCY - $999
Michael Thomas (not the one you're thinking of) has started just 11 games since 2017 and has 3 career interceptions yet is priced at $999. This has to be the worst value of any athlete I found. I've never even heard of this guy.
Here's my message to "other Michael Thomas", if you didn't want to do Cameos you could have just not made an account.
3. Rex Grossman - FORMER - $800
I am astounded there are 38 reviews for Rex Grossman at $800 a pop. How many Josh Prays are there in the world that would pay $800 for this? I guess being one of the best Florida Gators ever will get you a lot, including fucking idiots who will pay $800 to hear you fake interest and excitement about some random dude's birthday for 60 seconds.
4. Emmitt Smith - FORMER - $725
Comparatively speaking this feels like a fucking steal. How Josh Norman thinks he is worth $250 more than one of the NFL's greatest rushers is beyond me. Now I wouldn't pay a third a rent payment to listen to Emmitt babble, but then again I'm not a huge fan of Mr. 4.2 career yards per carry (which would have had him 36th in the NFL this season behind Dameon Pierce and James Conner). RIP to the true GOAT running back, Jim Brown.
NBA
1. Tony Allen - FORMER - $1,000
This one checks out. Tony Allen won a NBA title in Boston and was always a scrappy, defensive player which the city of Boston appreciates. Now, if he was a white guy he could charge $5,000 per Cameo and still get it, but Boston fans are willing to let that one slide since he helped get them a ring.
2. Micahel Beasley - FORMER - $1,000
This one is hilarious to me. Like an ugly chick on a dating site he put his more desirable friend/acquaintance in the picture to try and boost engagement. Bold move. And I have to image that no one on earth is going to pay $1,000 to hear Michael freaking Beasley say anything to them.
The best part is that they have to record some sample Cameos so potential suckers customers can get an idea of what they will receive for their money. And this one below is just 42 seconds of him telling someone named Todd that he will beat him "100,000 to 0" if he sees him on the basketball court and then drive away in his Benz with his lady. Which is a hilarious way to try and get people to buy your Cameos.
3. Ben Gordon - CHI?! - $700
There is something extremely sad about this one. 40-year old Ben Gordon listing himself as a Chicago Bulls player despite not having played for the Bulls in 14 years is like seeing your 40-year old buddy use a 10 year old picture and lying about his height on Tinder. Just a tough scene all around.
No one has purchased a Cameo from Ben just yet and judging by the price I'm not sure anyone ever will.
4. Gary Payton - FORMER - $625
Once again the #4 spot belongs to a Hall of Famer and once again this feels like far and away the best value for your buck. "The Glove" is one of those players that pretty much everyone loved as kids. Him and Shawn Kemp were an electric factory in Seattle. This was obviously before Kemp got fat as hell and their team was stolen away to Oklahoma City.
By the way, Shawn Kemp is not on Cameo but he probably should be. It's a great way to raise some money for child support payments. He's gotta be going broke paying for those seven kids via six different women.
MLB
1. Mariano Rivera - FORMER - $750
It's going to be hard for me to make fun of any of the MLB guys because they're all legends and quite frankly should probably all be charging more than they are.
I hate the Yankees. I mean I fucking LOATH them. But I'll always like Mariano Rivera. The guy threw two pitches but was the most unhittable closer in the history of the game. He's the reason I taught my son a cutter. He's an absolute legend and a message from him would be pretty damn cool if I'm being honest about it.
2. David Ortiz - FORMER - $750
Once again, hate the franchise but absolutely love Big Papi. The "our fucking city" speech after the Boston bombing is up there as my favorite sports moments. Straight goosebumps every time I see it.
Once again I feel like this price is a steal. And Big Papi is hilarious so you know you're getting some sizzle with that steak.
3. Pedro Martinez - FORMER - $750
If the Indians had pulled the trigger and traded for Pedro in the 90s we would have won at least one World Series. Instead he stayed in Boston and became one of the most dominant postseason pitchers in MLB history.
It's kind of crazy to me that he only has three reviews.
4. Gary Sheffield - FORMER - $700
It looks like Gary just joined Cameo and you can certainly make an arguement that he overshot his price a little here, but he's still a legend. I don't really give a shit about Gary Sheffield personally, but I'm sure there are tons of fans out there who do.
After all, it feels like he played for every fucking team in the league at some point or another in his 22 year career.
Bonus: Barstool Contributors
BEST VALUE - Uber Deb - $40
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have Uber Deb talk shit to you while she rips a heater and drinks her morning Dunkin'? I guarantee you are now, so heres what it sounds like…
Uber Deb's Cameos are objectively hilarious. A little niche, perhaps but hilarious nonetheless. Deb is one of my favorite ancillary Barstool characters of all time and she could deliver me anything short of bad news and I'd love it.
My favorite part of her profile is one only 3-Star rating where she recorded a Cameo that had zero sound. Hilariously on brand.
WORST VALUE - Ben Mintz - $40
A couple of things here: Technically Mintzy isn't a Barstool employee any more. Second, I absolutely love Mintzy. There is no one on earth who is more unintentionally hilarious that that man. And since that is the case there is always the possibility you could get the funniest video you have ever seen for $40.
But it is still Mintzy and you could also get a video like this…
Ok I take that back. This is also hilarious for about 50 different reasons which means you're paying less than $1 per reason. Thats a great ROI.