If You Don't Like The Fast And Furious Movies, You Are Dumb

With the final installment of the Fast and Furious franchise approaching (maybe, I've heard rumors that X may be a 3 part ending), I decided to finally watch the series. I had only seen parts of the first movie and although I saw the 7th film in theaters, all I really remember is Vin Diesel flying a car from building to building. 

The series started out simple and the stakes got higher and higher with each new film. It began with Dom and his gang Family stealing VHS players out of trucks and by the eighth film, they were blowing up a nuclear submarine (after deactivating the nukes of course!)

I got thru the first 5 movies without issue. They drug a 10 ton vault through the streets of Rio De Janeiro and I just laughed and went with it. In 6 though, it got to be too much for my brain to handle. I started wondering why the things in the movie were happening. I started to ask questions. I became aware and realized "This is an awfully long runway they've been driving down going 80mph for the last 10 minutes." The movie was too outrageous. Rather than enjoying the madness, I found myself googling "longest runway in the world" (It's 3.4 miles long and located in Tibet by the way). 

I was sad that I couldn't trick my brain into shutting off just enough to enjoy the film, but there was a silver lining. At least I'm smart enough to actually ask questions. I'm not dumb enough to just sit by and live in blissful ignorance. My brain is just too big to do that. I have a Big Brain. But wait, is my brain too big? I am now stuck in an omnipotent paradox: Can god make a rock so heavy that he cannot lift it? Am I so smart that I can't choose to be dumb for a couple hours? If I can't make myself dumb, it's because I'm dumb.

It is said that "It's a fool who looks for logic in the chamber of the human heart". Well, I'm just as much a fool for trying to search for logic in a Fast and Furious movie. There is none. There is not meant to be any. If you're wondering "Why did this character do this?" or "How does time and gravity work in this universe?", you are missing the point of the movie. It's not your fault though. You're just dumb, like me. I'm still going to watch the series thru though because like my hero Dom says, You don't turn your back on Family… even when they do.