I Am Tired Of The Idiots Of The Internet Shaming People Who Take Off Their Shoes On A Long Flight

Once again, Red Ed and Daniel Conrad have conspired to slander me on a Snake Draft and a graphic. They're making me out to some sort of societal menace with no regard for his fellow human beings. That couldn't be further from the truth. I am a very considerate traveler. I want everyone to be comfortable. It's why I will NEVER recline my seat. That one inch recline adds to little to my comfort level and so greatly negatively impacts the person behind me that I refuse to recline even if the asshole in front of me has reclined. You're welcome. 

Now, onto my actual argument. There is a time, place, and decorum for taking your shoes off on a long flight that should be normalized for comfort and health and safety. 

1) Taking your shoes off is only really acceptable on long flights. 4+ hours. If I am going to London or Los Angeles I am going to get comfortable. If I am going to NYC that is basically an extended car trip. Up, nap, down, off the plane. No need for shoes off on short flights. I haven't and I won't on a short flight. 

2) Clean socks and clean shoes. My #1 simple pleasure is fresh clean, brand new out of the package socks. If I was a millionaire I'd have brand new socks every day. When I travel I wear clean shoes and new socks. Eddie and Dave act as if I am wearing sweaty socks immediately after mowing the lawn. Slander. I wear socks fresh out of the package if I know I am going to be taking my shoes off on a flight

3) My feet are tucked neatly under the seat in front of me with my other carry-on bag. They're not in the aisle. They're not poking through to the row in front of me by the window. Nobody will ever see them. 

4) If I leave my seat to go to the bathroom the shoes go back on. I know the aircraft isn't my living room and I'd NEVER walk into a airline bathroom with nothing but socks. That'd be fucking disgusting. There's pee all over of those things. 

5) I will put my back on as we begin our descent. 

6) The reason doctors tell old guys to wear compression socks when they fly a lot is so they don't get strokes. You need that blood flow to the extremities. I am not trying to die because you are a weirdo who gets grossed out by a fresh sock. 

If you follow those rules then you are definitely allowed to take your shoes off when you fly. Hell, if you follow those rules on a 2 hour flight I won't judge you. This narrative has gone on long enough. Feet are fine. Just don't let them be smelly and you shouldn't be forced to have shoes on for hours upon hours just because other people are immature internet-take lemmings. 

Full Episode below. This was the most fun I've had doing an episode in a long time even though I don't know anything about how to get dressed as an adult man