Watch Mark Zuckerberg Win His First Jiu Jitsu Match Because He's A Human Robot Who Can Read His Opponent's Moves In Advance

Imagine watching that and feeling turned on a little bit haha. Not me! No way. What a weird guy. With incredible wealth. Who just whooped that guy on the mat with what appeared to be some genuine strength? Were those.. bulging calf muscles? A guy with the power to buy any pontoon boat he wants, even one with a sliding board on it, and he can also fight? Excuse me, I need a moment. haha Just kidding, no way man. Not into it. That'd be gross. Drier than an overcooked rib over here. 

Anyways, of course Mark Zuckerberg won his first ever Jiu Jitsu match. This man is walking, talking AI in action. Whereas I could take Jiu Jitsu lessons for a decade and get my ass whooped every single time (due to never fully listening, zero core muscles, a general loser attitude), he shows up one time, absorbs all the info needed into his circuit board, and is able to read every move by his opponent before it happens. I wouldn't put it past him to have a program that lures top fighters in where he connects to their minds & steals their ability to... Mother of God...