Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3 Fucking Ruled And Was Exactly What The MCU Needed

JP PARIENTE. Shutterstock Images.

Well if that was the last time this wonderful group of space misfits share a screen together, I think it's safe to say they fucking nailed it. That movie was everything the MCU needed and more considering how many of their recent projects were meh or worse and lacked any real heart.

I said the Guardians trilogy was like a chocolate (Vol. 1), vanilla (Vol. 2), and strawberry (Vol. 3) milkshake at McDonald's. They are all different and good in their own right, with each being the perfect choice depending on what you are in the mood for. No matter what you choose, you are going to be happy because who doesn't love drinking milkshakes or watching Guardians movies? The Holiday Special is the Shamrock Shake in this analogy in that it's a fantastic treat that is only enjoyed during a certain time of the year.

Unfortunately for the MCU, the guy that wrote, directed, and essentially made it all happen is now in charge of their biggest rival. But I do think that will be a good thing for comic book movies since there is a chance Marvel vs. DC will turn into a new age WWF vs. WCW back when WCW stopped being a backwoods company with empty arenas that only people like Uncle Chaps watched to a full blown rival that won the Monday Night Wars for years once Kevin Nash and Scott Hall flipped sides like Anakin.

Anyway, we finally got closure on at least this generation of Guardians characters as Robbie and I discussed the movie as well as the entire trilogy on My Mom's Basement.

For people that prefer the written word form of media to the handsome talking faces, here are some thoughts on the movie. Feel free to listen to Awesome Mix Vol. 3 while reading said thoughts.

- As expected, I really liked the soundtrack, which kicks off with two of my favorite songs ever. But I think it's the bronze medalist of the other two Awesome Mixes which clearly live up to their names. For the record I have Vol. 2 with the gold and Vol. 1 with the silver. 

I also thought some of the scenes with music playing in the background were up to snuff for a Guardians movie while a couple were more forced, with Vol. 2 being the best when it came to the music scenes while Vol. 1 came in 2nd.

I'm also one of the people who loves Vol. 2 not only more than all the other Guardians movies but I love it more than any MCU movie outside of Infinity War and Endgame.

- The first Guardians movie was an intro to the group, the second Guardians was a Star-Lord movie diving into his entire past, while the third Guardians was indisputably a Rocket movie, with Baby Rocket being the cutest character in MCU history outside of Vol. 2 Baby Groot.

God damn those motherfuckers were adorable before being ripped from our lives. I guess shout out James Gunn for pulling out the best curveball this side of prime Clayton Kershaw by telling us nonstop how this movie was going to break out hearts, having us think we were going to watch multiple Guardians die on screen, then keeping all of our favorite characters alive while also gutting our souls with all the fucked up animal torture shit.

The High Evolutionary may not have been the strongest, coolest, or anywhere near best villain in MCU history. But I appreciated him for just being a raging asshole supervillain that not even I could find a redeeming feature in and you know a bad guy is really bad when his own henchmen turn on him. Sometimes it's nice just to hope the bad guy gets buried six feet under in the most painful way possible, even though I'm not sure that happened because we never saw his death after revealing that Rocket pretty much turned him into Gus Fring.

The High Evolutionary is such a dickhead that I felt like this toward the notoriously dickheads at PETA as the credits rolled in the theater.

- Before said credits rolled, we got a big moment from Groot where he FINALLY said something that didn't end in "Groot". This led to people speculating that it wasn't Hooked On Phonics finally working for the big twig but instead the audience finally being a part of that lovely Guardians family that can understand every word Groot says.

Gizmodo- Soon after, the Guardians are all talking and we hear Groot say—not “I am Groot,” but “I love you guys.” And that’s the moment. Groot hasn’t changed how he talks. We, the audience, have just finally become part of the family enough that we can finally understand Groot, and what a beautiful way to add even more emotional resonance to the film.

Which James Gunn confirmed:

Damn. James Gunn is either the greatest comics movie storyteller of our time that understands the unique relationship he has with his audience or is just really good at bullshitting by telling the fans all their fan creation stuff is dead on balls accurate (it's an industry term). 

- Regardless of what is/isn't true with that Groot line, there is no doubt that James Gunn is awesome and needs to do pressers with Chris Pratt even if they never do a movie together again.

Bradley Cooper may not do much press for Guardians but he clearly does a ton more when it comes to voice acting than I ever imagined.

- Back to the movie, I would love to know how much James Gunn tweaked the script before he got fired from Guardians 3 because of old tweets and how everything got pushed back because of that as well as the pandemic. And no, I (respectfully) don't believe Gunn when he personally told me that Thor was never supposed to be in Guardians 3 because Endgame set it up perfectly and Chris Hemsworth's chemistry with the Guardians was off the charts.

I also wish we got some sort of conversation about the blip with the Guardians since they were so impacted by it. But I guess that ship has sailed thanks to cancel culture and the delays caused by the pandemic, which to be clear both fucking suck.

- I'm not sure when Nebula's arm became superduper powered but it deserves some MVP votes for coming through huge in multiple big spots. I also don't know how Star-Lord didn't have his mask or rocket boosters but he could've died multiple times without them (Jumping out the flying pyramid before Groot caught him then grew wings and freezing in space before Adam Warlock saved him since The Guardians somehow STILL don't pack space condoms despite these freezing scenes happening in every goddamn movie).

- Speaking of Adam Warlock, he definitely feels like a bust based on the way he was ominously hyped at the end of Guardians 2, the way comic books readers discuss his powers, and the fact he got fucking Crazy On You as his entrance music. But heroes as strong as him usually have to be nerfed in movies like this or else they would crush the fuck out of everyone in these movies. So getting a half baked Adam Warlock with the brainpower of a Barstool blogger kinda makes sense, even if he was about as much of a flame out as Captain Phasma or Euron Greyjoy. I expect we'll get a much more badass Adam Warlock in the future, namely in Secret Wars. I am also saying all this with barely knowing anything about Adam Warlock or Secret Wars.

However I am happy Adam's C-word mom is dead since she was the biggest jerk in Guardians 2 this side of Taser Face.

Dancing on Adam's mom's grave feels wrong but at least he has Blurp, who feels like a good addition to the Guardians group in the future.

Kraglin better never call Blurph a bad dog, or a bad whatever the fuck he is.

- While I hate that this is the last we will see of most of these Guardians, at least until they cash a fat paycheck in an Avengers movie, I love the turns all their characters made. Drax going from The Destroyer to The Dad was dope. 2014 Gamora becoming a Ravager felt right. Mantis leaving everyone to experiment like a college girl makes sense. Star-Lord hanging with his crazy young grandpa that I thought was his uncle in Guardians 1 also checks out, while Rocket and Nebula staying together after the events of Endgame was awesome. 

You know what? I'm gonna end the blog now before I start slurping James Gunn again. But I love that he made a trilogy that actually was good, fun, and kept us on our toes the entire time before sticking the landing. 

I am so happy Gunn gave us the trilogy everyone wanted and I feel super confident he is going to crush with the DCU. I also hope the MCU can find someone that can deliver even close to James Gunn because as Jim Ross once said, business is about to pick up in the comic movie industry and their big gun (nice pun Clem) is now working for the other team.

For much more on Guardians 3 as well as the whole trilogy, check out this week's recap/review on My Mom's Basement: