Runner Gets Caught Taking A Shit In Someone's Yard In The Middle Of The Boston Marathon

(SOURCE)

If you gotta go, you gotta go.

A Boston Marathon runner was caught on camera Monday dropping their shorts on someone’s front lawn in order to relieve themselves during the 26.2 mile-long race.

Over 30,000 marathoners partook in the annual run, with many of them finishing in three, four, five hours, or more — and often forgoing a bathroom break.

For at least one runner, that was simply too long to wait.

In the video, the marathon participant can be seen standing in the far corner of the front lawn, dropping their pants and squatting down.

Normally this would be a good situation to point and laugh at someone. Anytime an adult has a pants shitting emergency, a situation we've all been in, the penance is being humiliated by anyone and everyone who saw it go down. This happens regularly in our office because our little dip shit intern Danny has IBS. He is constantly shitting at the most inopportune time. 

I personally just can't do it for this guy though because long distance running is basically the Brown Noise: 

And I've been there myself. Not in the ACTUAL marathon, but training for one. So I'll let you guys have it. Let me explain why I won't though. 

Joking aside I ran the 2017 Chicago marathon. I guess the only reason I did it was to feel like I accomplished something difficult for once in my life. Finished in 5 hours, 26 mins and 32 seconds, bitch. That time is not great at all by marathon standards, but my goal was to just finish it, which I did. Mission accomplished. I didn't group train, google tips or really talk to anyone about tricks of the trade, would just run 5-6 miles 2-3x on weekdays starting in like June of that summer, then I'd go long on Saturday mornings, working my way up to 22 miles before the race. Easy peasy. 

The ONLY piece of advice I got was to pound Imodium (pepto) before/during the race. POUND it. You don't want to be the guy that is at mile 21 and frantically looking for a porto-potty because there's shit with the consistency of water gliding down both legs. Wish I knew that when I was on mile 20 or whatever in my last training sesh, as I almost didn't make it home. 

Simply put, I don't know the science behind it but running far makes your bowels want to explode. And your nipples chafe and bleed. I used duct tape for that though and that's another issue that doesn't have anything to do with this blog. 

NOW. HOWEVER. This guy didn't just get caught by the doorbell camera. He got caught by these guys too: 

These guys and the homeowner have full autonomy to point, laugh and blast away on social media to get those likes and RTs at this guy's expense. That is after they overcome their initial shock, that is. I know I reference South Park way too much and have already done so in this blog, but these guys probably had the exact same reaction as Mr. Garrison did when Cartman dropped a rat on his desk to get out of fighting Wendy: 

One of the all time great South Park episodes FWIW 

Just pure, unadulterated shock. So shocking you have no emotion. You're not laughing. You're not angry. You're speechless. That's what was undoubtedly how those two fellas stumbled in on that runner dropping a big chocolate mud monkey on some random Boston lawn. Once that shock stops, you've got yourself a hilarious story for life though. Every year come marathon time you'll be telling that story, laughing at that stranger's expense and laughing at the expense of stranger's is always the absolute best.