Max Scherzer Was Ejected From Today's Mets Game Due To Sticky Substances On His Hand

What kind of ump show is going on out in LaLa Land? Are we supposed to believe that Max Scherzer is trying to disgrace the game he loves?!? For shame! That dildo Phil Cuzzi must be as dumb as his stupid name and haircut if he believes Scherzer was actually cheating. Lest we forget that Max greeted the sticky stuff rules by offering to strip down to his twig and berries to protect the integrity of baseball like a Hall of Fame voter that refuses to vote some of the best baseball players ever into Cooperstown.

I know what you are thinking. "Well Clem, there has to be a reason Max was thrown out. Umpires don't just throw people out for fun. At least no longer now that Cowboy Joe West has retired". You would be correct, very smart reader. First Cuzzi made Max change his glove despite being a notorious creature of habit.

Then gave Max the heave hoe for the crime of having rosin and tape residue from the tape holding PitchCom.

I don't know much about Phil Cuzzi but this is clearly a man that is clearly anti-technology,probably a flat Earther, and definitely a dickhead. Even though having to go from watching Max Scherzer pitch against the Dodgers to Jimmy Yacabonis sucks as a Mets fan, I'm sure Max's postgame comments will make up for the entertainment we are missing during the game.

UPDATE: Yup, Phil Cuzzi really is a dildo.