Live EventThe Unnamed Show With Dave Portnoy, Kirk Minihane, Ryan Whitney - Episode 35Watch Now

Bus Driver Gets Fired For Telling Asshole Middle School Kids "My Foot's Gonna Be So Far Up Your Goddamn Ass It's Gonna Dangle Out You're Goddamn Nose!"

Let's call a spade a spade. Middle school aged kids are the absolute worst. They're worse than the worst. They're domestic terrorists. They are mean little arrogant pricks who think they're cool because they know a few swear words. They bully each other. They bully teachers. And they sure as hell bully the school bus drivers. 

Because of that fact I was immediately on the bus driver's side on this one. Looking through the comments from the parents on Facebook it seemed this driver has an allergic reaction to perfume and the kids kept spraying it on the bus to mess with her. Like I said, awful human beings. 

The problem here is we have ALL been those assholes to some degree. We were all that age trying to fit in and impress our peers. And no place on earth brings out the worst in people more than a school bus. Even the nicest of people will join in to torment someone to tears on that yellow tube of death. It's something about those vinyl seats and sliding windows that can turn the most mild mannered kid into a 80's teen movie bully.

And there is no worse job on earth than being a bus driver. You don't have any real authority and your only recourse when kids are being assholes is to stop the bus and yell like a lunatic, which usually just gets them even more riled up. And in this day and age if you pace up and down the aisle screaming at kids like a drill sergeant you better know it's ending up on TikTok.

When the driver starts calling out kids by name you know it's real. Maya and Jackson are probably very nice kids at home with their parents. But on the bus they are demon spawn hell bent on chaos. 

"You think it's funny?!"

Of course they do. They sit in a hot ass school all day listening to shit they don't care to know and only getting to expel pent up energy while they walk the halls between classes or throw dodgeballs at the nerdy girls' heads in gym class. Then once they're set free from that building that might as well be a prison to them, they jump on your bus and take the day out on you. 

That is basically half of the job description. The other half is to just make sure you're not drunk while driving them. Which is ironic because alcohol is probably the only way any sane person could tolerate these vile tween villains. 

Can we also take a moment and recognize that this woman is the most bus driver-y looking bus driver that has ever driven a bus?

The haircut. The long pastel colored fleece hoodie. The glasses. It's like this lady was made in a bus driver lab. I'm pretty sure she drove a bus when I was in middle school too. There is an army of these women across the country just teetering on the brink of a complete mental breakdown if little Robbie shoots one more fucking spitball at the windshield.

There is no amount of money you could pay me to do this job. Transporting the worst people on earth around every day. I'd rather drive a prison bus. At least those guys are chained to the floor and don't have access to Bath & Body Works spray bottles that they will use against you like chemical warfare. 

No way this lady should have been fired forced to resign. If anything she deserves medal of honor for going to war with those heathens every afternoon.