Vegas Is Rolling Out The Red Carpet For Jimmy G As He’s Been Offered “Free Sex For Life” by Multiple Local Brothels
TMZ- Jimmy Garoppolo's Raiders career might start off with a bang -- that is, if he accepts a once-in-a-lifetime offer from two Nevada brothel workers ... who tell TMZ Sports they wanna hook him up with free sex forever!!
The two lovely ladies are Caitlin Bell and Alice Little of the famous Chicken Ranch brothel ... and they tell us they're really excited the "heartthrob" is moving to their neck of the woods after inking a 3-year deal with the Raiders last week.
The licensed workers wanna show Jimmy G just how grateful they are now that he's moving from The Bay to Vegas ... with a free-for-life sex package!!!
"I almost fainted when I heard Jimmy signed with the Raiders," Bell said in a statement.
"He deserves free sex just for joining our team," Bell said. "But he gets free sex for life from us just because he’s such a legit babe!"
Talk about Vegas hospitality!
If there's a guy who needs to be offered free sex for life, I don't think it's Jimmy Garappolo. Maybe I'm wrong, but just a hunch that he's doing ok in that department. But you have to respect the effort out of Caitlen and Alice here.
"Good job. Good effort"
You miss every shot you don't take and if you don't throw the pussy at the guy, how's he gonna know it's there for the taking? "For life," no less!
I haven't seen Balls interview either of these classy young ladies on his forthcoming Pulitzer-winning podcast. Yet. And I reached out to the mysterious Malcom Smutler to ask if he was familiar, and he wasn't either. Or so he says. So I asked that stumpy little fiend White Sox Dave about them and he shot me over their IG’s before I could even ask.
I'll save you the bandwidth on Alice. If you're interested, you can click here.
No offense to these ladies, I'm sure they're sweethearts, but if you guys think Pretty Jimmy is going slumming at The Bunny Ranch you're taking crazy pills.
He likes his woman like he likes his automobiles, used but still in great condition. A little bit of tread worn off the tires, but not bald. (The tires). We're talking "Certified Pre-Owned,", not…well…you get the point.
We're talking Kiara Mia
Shockingly, The Bunny Ranch wasn't the only den of iniquity that didn't get the memo because Sheri's Ranch is also trying to court the new Raiders QB.
Who or what is "Sheri's Ranch" you ask?
Well, they're not the brightest, I can tell you that.
Look, I know Jimmy and I get mistaken for each other a lot.
But how do you fuck up and send me an invitation meant for Jimmy and his new teammates to a mediocre smut blogger with horrible music taste?
Now I like the sounds of a good bondage room followed by a nice nuru massage as much as the next guy, but I couldn't bring myself to con Aaron and his business into giving me and my teammates- left tackle (Eddie), full back (White Sox Dave), and Tight End (Chief) free sex for life. It's called having character.
So here's your public notice to clean it up Aaron and before you fire off one of these cat-call emails, make sure you have the right address.
p.s. - I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't at least do some due diligence first
