People Need To Quit Shit Talking Me For How I Hold A Fork
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A few months back, I travelled to the beautiful Scottsdale, AZ with that pretentious, orange-haired fuck Francis to learn how to be a human being that is a functioning member of society.
While there, we brought in an "etiquette coach" that taught me normal people things like... not cursing people out that don't answer my questions how I want them to...and not bombarding women off-putting questions myself... and
drum roll....
how to hold a fork
Apparently it all went in one ear and out the other though. I'll get to that in a moment.
While down in the Dominican Republic with Donnie, we spent a lot of our time consuming the nation's cuisine. Now, here in the States, only poors, gutter rats and truck drivers eat gas station food. I'm none of those, so I don't. That's not how it works in the Dominican though, as the island's best fare is, in fact, found at a gas station.
Needless to say, Donnie and I HAD to give it a shot. So we did:
That's when I got bombarded with a bar-age of comments like these:
Some of you might be thinking, WTF are these people talking about? Let me show you:
Goddamnit! Even in a video series where I look "good" for once, I have to go ahead and ruin it by looking like an unsophisticated freak that doesn't know how to hold a fork like a human being. Francis should call Whitney and get Portnoy's money back, as I CLEARLY learned nothing…
…I don't think it's nearly as bad as Donnie holding the fork by the base of the shaft though:
"Base of the shaft" lololol
That's just inefficient.
Whatever though. I was sick as fuck with bronchitis, so that's my excuse. In the end, the food was amazing and my style of cutting it did just as fine a job as the rich, stuck up way that Whitney tried to teach me.
Get caught up on our entire Dominican Republic baseball, food, culture and travel vlog below:
Thank you all for watching!!! Sincerely, thank you.