I Need To Get Drunk And Sing Karaoke In A Dive Bar With John Daly ASAP
What a legend this man is. In fact, legend doesn't even do him justice. There's not really a word that can aptly define John Daly. All I know is that dude is L-I-V-I-N. Getting drunk, making copious amounts of love, ripping heaters, blasting golf balls a mile and absolutely dominating karaoke at the local dive is a utopia I wish to one day experience, even though everyone on the planet that doesn't have Terry Schaivo mashed potato brains knows that just ain't happening.
All good though. Sure, the chances of me one day being as awesome as John Daly will never happen. But there's a non-zero chance the next best thing happens, and that's me ponying up next to him at a bar while lobbing him questions and having him tell stories over a few beers.
He's absolutely, without a doubt on my "Mt. Rushmore of dude's I need to get drunk in a dive bar with". In fact, consider him my George Washington. The rest of the presidents are these 3 other men, in no particular order:
1. Dave Grohl:
I like the Foo Fighters like everyone else. I wouldn't say I LOVE them, at least not on the same level of other acts/musicians, but I do enjoy their music. What I enjoy more is Dave Grohl just being a cool, seemingly very down to earth dude. On top of that, guy's got it all. Money, fame, and (I'd assume) stories on stories on stories. He's funny, engaging, witty. Would love to hear stories about the genesis of Nirvana, Kurt, Taylor, stories on tour, and his rise to super stardom in a time where rock and roll is dying (dead?).
Add it all up and I'm sure he'd be an awesome guy to pepper with annoying questions with at a bar.
2. Bob Uecker
With baseball lifers like Vin Scully passing, Hawk Harrelson retiring and Bob Uecker not too far behind him, baseball's stranglehold on funny, engaging and charismatic broadcasters is coming to an end. I mean this with all due respect to the Jason Benetti's and Joe Buck's of the world, both of whom are fine at their craft… they just don't have the "mmmph" guys like Vin, Hawk and Bob do in the box. Nobody does anymore, aside from maybe the Mets broadcast team (who will probably all get canceled in due time rolls eyes).
Obviously Vin was a calming, soothing voice with the ability to turn the most mundane story into something you were hooked on. Hawk was the opposite; an in your face homer that spoke his mind and pissed people off. Bob Uecker? He's somewhere in between.
I've had the pleasure of sitting down with Hawk to interview him twice, so I'm not counting him for this list. Obviously it was an interview so it was more buttoned up, but as the voice of my entire life as a White Sox fan, Hawk Harrelson will always be my favorite interviews ever conducted. I love that man, plain and simple. The dude has lived an INCREDIBLE life. I read his autobiography and it was littered with stories nobody knows about:
- Frank Sinatra sent him "girls" at an LA bar
- He was partying with Joe Namath in Miami the night before he guaranteed victory in the Super Bowl
- He has been shot at. With guns. A lot. And never once hit by one
The dude has literally dodged bullets, and that's because he's a god. I didn't even get into his meetings with presidents or his time as GM.
I'd venture to guess Bob Uecker has as many awesome tales as Hawk does though, or close to it. Baseball is was great because of guy's like Bob Uecker. We need more colorful characters like him and Hawk, not less. Nevertheless I need to get drunk with Bob in some shit hole Milwaukee dive bar before my life is over.
3. George W. Bush:
Gotta have a living president on this list, and I sure as hell don't want any of the last 3 finger pointing, polarizing dickheads on my list. Give me the guy that grew up with a dad that was president, was president himself, presided over the 9/11 terrorist attacks, attacked Iraq, was a frat star at Yale, etc. etc. etc. The only rule he has to follow is he has to get drunk enough to spill ALL the beans.
Then again… he might be boring. Maybe I should switch him up with slick willy?
And ask him about Monica? And Hill Dog? And Monica and Hill Dog? And is the Clinton "Kill List" a real thing?
These are all questions that will forever go unanswered… or at least unanswered in a dive bar setting where drinks are flowing and lies are not allowed.
OTHERS OF NOTE (alive or dead):
- Mick Jagger
- Keith Moon
- MJ
- Neil Armstrong
- Winston Churchill
- Anyone from the 101st Airborne that fought at Normandy, Market Garden, The Battle of the Bulge, or raided the "Eagle's Nest"
I'm sure there are misses a plenty in this blog. If there are 4 people you want to get drunk with in a dive bar, feel free to let me know in the comment section below. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go prep for our much anticipated trivia match against Dente and Red Ed's team.
~Salutations~