Let's Just Talk About How Sick Climate Change Is Real Quick
Xurzon. Getty Images.If you're a climate change activist right now, you better start thinking of a way to rebrand this shit. Because as time goes by, the more I start to realize this shit is actually pretty sweet.
For anybody living in the Mid-Atlantic region, this has been the greatest February of your life. We've had multiple days in the 50s. Yesterday was in the 60s. We could be getting up to the 70s at some point this week. Take the dog out for a leisurely stroll and not have to worry about your hands going numb. We're talking about golfing in a short sleeve shirt in February. It's unbelievable.
You haven't had to wear a coat at all this month. At most you're throwing on a hoodie. Which, fiscally speaking, is huge because think about how many jackets the average American male loses per year because he forgets it at the bar at the end of the night. So you're saving money by not having to buy a new coat every year. You can turn off the heat, open those windows up and get a little breeze running through that bitch? It's downright euphoric. Everybody is in a significantly better mood all the time because the weather doesn't suck ass. I'm no therapist or anything but I feel like a little sun and fresh air in February is probably better for everybody's mental health than staying inside all month scrolling Instagram until your phone battery dies.
If we're keeping score, climate change is up by 100. And yeah sure whatever I get it, the future generations are going to be royally fucked at some point here. But you know what? I like to think that my future great grandchildren would have wanted me to be able to golf in short sleeves in February. They'll know that the hellscape of an ecosystem they live in was all worth it because their great grandpappy broke a little sweat walking 18 in what used to be the most miserably cold month of the year.
So again, I'd urge climate change activists to figure out a better marketing campaign as soon as possible. Because the only thing they're doing right now is driving me insane when I get to the grocery store and realize I forgot my reusable bags since you can't find a plastic bag anywhere in America anymore. On one hand you have no plastic bags or else you go to jail. On the other hand you have playing golf in short sleeves in February. Pretty easy decision to make at the moment.