Gisele is Out to Prove the Best Version of Herself is Divorcee Gisele

Silvia Izquierdo. Shutterstock Images.

Not that I've given it any thought mind you - and I cannot stress enough how little thought I've given this because I never want to find myself in this situation - but it seems to me that getting divorced is, above all else, a competition. 

Again, not that I've thought about it, in case we're not being clear. I say this because I go through life considering everything to be a competitive sport on some level. Beating traffic. Finding the parking spot closest to the entrance. Getting the best seats for the game or concert. Ordering the best meal at your table. By the same token, bringing the best food to the house party or tailgate. 

By our nature, humans are competitive creatures. Programmed by evolution to outdo one another when it comes to having the best of everything, from shelter to food to clothing, so that we can attract the best mates and spread our DNA. And I see no way that nature stops just because the person you planned on spreading your DNA with dumped you. Or you dumped them. If anything, that drive to do better just increases post-divorce, to prove you were the more desirable mate all along. 

That's just my theory. Based on decades of observation of human behavior. And there is nothing that's gone on between the two most famous divorcees of the last year that has convinced me otherwise. Here was Gisele in January:

And this has been her the last few days:

Holy Schneikies. Imagine being a 42 year old mom who dropped out of modeling 12 years ago to raise your two kids and your husband's son, and after just a few short months back out on the market, you can still dominate a lineup with this many power hitters:

If you don't know (and respectfully, what's wrong with you that you don't), Carnival is the kick off to the season of Lent in Brazil. A wild Bacchanalia to precede 40 days of atonement that ends with Easter. And as pre-Lenten blowout parties go, Carnival in Rio makes Mardi Gras in New Orleans look like your local Rotary Club Awards Night pot luck supper. Gisele shows up there, once again single and ready to mingle. And after more than a decade of being out of the game, returns to the nation she once ruled and establishes her empire once again. The envy of all she surveys. Tanned, rested, ready to reclaim her throne and be Queen once more. 

Meanwhile, who knows about her ex? Tom Brady is one of 300 million Americans with a podcast. Some vague plan to steal Greg Olsen's job in a year or so. Though he's going to have to fight him for it:

While the woman he finds himself split from is out there living the best version of herself. 

It's still early in this competition. And not the first time Brady has found himself way behind with a lot of stake, so it would be foolish to bet against him. But if he's going to mount a comeback and start living better than Gisele, it's going to have to start soon. Because she's not showing any let up. No willingness to sit on her lead. No desire to run out the clock. If anything, she's looking to run up the score. Right now, she's the GOAT of celebrity divorce.