Tom Brady is Kicking Off His Retirement Life as Expected: By Posting Mirror Selfies in His Underpants

Harry How. Getty Images.

You know, as these Old Balls get older, I've found myself more and more giving thought to what my long term future will look like. For instance, I don't know if actual retirement is for me. I've known a few people blessed enough to walk away from the working world with a pension or a big enough nest egg to live off of. Granted, you hear stories about people who can't adjust to life without a job to wake up to every day. But I can honestly say that life of leisure agreed with the vast majority of retirees I've known. Particularly the people I worked with at my old state job, the court staff, judges, and law enforcement officers and so on. Some of whom looked literally 10 years younger once they'd put the frustrations of the job behind them. 

But I'm in that category of fortunate people who like their job. Not that the old saw, "Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life" applies. It can be work. This job is easy only if you halfass it. Doing it well takes effort. Trying to do it exceptionally well is actual labor. But a labor of love. And therefore one that would be hard to leave voluntarily. It would take Dave and Erika sending The Turk to my locker to collect my playbook and hand me a trash bag. 

Yet today, I have a whole new vision of what retirement would look like, courtesy of another man who loved what he did and had a hard time hanging it up. It's not the first time I've been inspired to live as Tom Brady lives. But it might be the most significant role modelling he's ever done for me. Or anyone else. If this is what his Golden Years are going to look like, count me all the fucking way in:

Some guys golf. Some take trips around the globe they never had time for. Some take zero stress jobs just to be around other people and keep busy. Some do projects around the house. Others wear fishing hats and smoke pipes and start calling their wives "Mother." But according to the research I've done, only one has pivoted to a career in underwear modeling. 

Oh, sure, you guys old enough to remember will cite Jim Palmer: 

… but he was rocking out with his cock almost out while he was at the height of his powers. He didn't start pulling on the briefs and showing the bulge in his mid-40s. Only one Hall of Fame athlete can pull off that career change, and by golly he's doing it. In style. 

Sure, KFC Radio can cast aspersions about how weirdly CGI his face looks:

But for us out of the closet Bradysexuals, this is a great day indeed. He's not going to be one of those damaged NFL stars who can barely get out of a chair or walk up a flight of stairs. He's not going to age like a melted candle, like some of those retirees they cart out for the Hall of Fame induction every year, and you can see the physical toll the game took on them. Those guys are human; he is not. He's going to Benjamin Button his whole post-NFL life. And now that he doesn't have to invest all his time in football, he'll look better in next year's line of underwear than he does in this year's. 

And as a result, he's firing back at Gisele. Proving to she's got competition when it comes to being a hot, 40-something divorcee:

Tom Brady: The GOAT of athletes, already well on his way to becoming the GOAT of retirement.