With Jimmy G Gone, Brady Off The Board And Brock Purdy Ailing, Kyle Shanahan's 49ers Need To Go Get Kirk Cousins

Matt Fitzgerald2/02/2023 12:00 AM

Since we've all learned recently that the NFL is rigged...

...I find it hilarious that Roger Goodell and the league office's scriptwriters are, with the most malicious intent, sabotaging the shit out of pro football's brightest offensive-minded head coach who commands one of North American sports' most iconic franchises.

We've seen so many quarterback-related plot twists during Kyle Shanahan's 49ers tenure that it's starting to become stranger than fiction. Like, how many lower-body freak injuries has Jimmy Garoppolo had? San Francisco traded what to acquire Trey Lance, who's appeared in just five football games the last three years? Shanahan got the literal last pick of the draft, Brock Purdy, to go undefeated as a starter from the critical stretch run to the NFC Championship Game!?

DAMN I feel for Shanahan regarding what's happened in the Bay Area alone. Much less when he had to sit there as Falcons offensive coordinator and blow a 28-3 lead against Tom Brady. Speaking of TB12, he's retired — unless the rigged NFL decides they want him back and he balks a second time at walking away from the game.

Brady taking one last ride with his hometown 49ers team would've been amazing. Sadly that's no longer possible. Jimmy G had to be over whatever the fuck was going on in San Francisco as he basically served as a lame-duck QB for two straight seasons, but still, given the severity of Purdy's torn UCL ligament in his right throwing elbow, I thought maybe that cracked the door open to a one-year contract. Nope.

Not sure about you, but if I'm the Niners, I'm going to get someone more dependable than a banged-up, undersized seventh-round pick entering his second season in Purdy.

Guess who Shanahan wanted to be his franchise QB before any of these dudes when he first arrived in San Francisco? KIRK COUSINS BAY-BEEEEEEE.

Giphy Images.

Back in 2017, when the 49ers owned the No. 2 overall pick in the draft and infamously took defensive lineman Solomon Thomas? They could've drafted Patrick Mahomes. Instead, they were banking on acquiring Cousins, who'd have reunited with Shanahan following their shared time with the now-Commanders in Washington.

Tell me: Could you write a better script than Shanahan and Cousins getting back together now!? All these years later, Shanahan cycling through train wrecks of QBs who can't stay healthy, can't make him truly happy, or flat-out can't play…only to fall back into the awkward, waiting arms of Captain Kirk? I'm so here for it.

Cousins is nothing if not durable. Has missed only one start since 2015. The aggregate missed games for Shanahan's 49ers QBs would take an hour to calculate. Suffice it to say, it's been a lot. Having someone as dependable as Cousins would put the coach and the organization at ease.

From now until he wins a Super Bowl, Shanahan will be viewed and criticized as "That great coach who couldn't quite win the big one." What Andy Reid went through in Philly, pretty much. Kirk Cousins is underappreciated as a quarterback to this day, even though he just managed to drag the Minnesota Vikings' 31st-ranked defense to a 13-4 record and an NFC North title. So much motivational fuel for those guys to feed off of.

Shanahan adores Cousins unlike Washington's brass to start his career, and Minnesota is entering Year 2 of a new regime and Cousins is entering a contract year. They aren't beholden to him at all and really need to acquire all defensive talent possible. Going cheaper at the quarterback position can help those efforts that'll take probably two offseasons worth of moves to pay off.

The 49ers have to be thinking their best Super Bowl window for the next little while is the next three years. I'd hesitate to entrust Brock Purdy or Trey Lance with those expectations. Stop messing around, San Fran. GO GET KIRK. And send Trey to play for his hometown NFL team, the Vikings. See? Another cool subplot to this ongoing saga masterfully scribed by Goodell's minions.

I imagine it'd take Lance, a first-round pick in 2024, and a conditional third-rounder in 2025 or thereabouts for the 49ers to realistically acquire Cousins, who'd only be an $18.75 million cap hit as his contract currently stands. That's one hell of a bargain. Meanwhile, Minnesota can start fresh with a dynamic, dual-threat playmaker in Lance who'd have the luxury of Justin Jefferson to throw to.

Kyle Shanahan, go get your guy. Beam Captain Kirk into the Bay Area…you know you want him.