An Idaho Man Holds 52 Absurd World Records And I Am Going To Break One Of Them

First things first, KFC is right. This man can only claim half of the fist bump world record. The girl had just as many fist bumps as he did.

After watching that video, I thought to myself, "Who is this guy? What kind of person sets out to break the fist bumping world record? Who even knows that the fist bumping world record exists?" 

David Fucking Rush, that's who. Not only does David Rush hold the world record for fist bumping, he holds the world record for 51 other "feats" as well (or whatever you call them). David Rush is just a man who breaks world records. That's pretty much it. He's also an advocate for something, and has a job doing something else. I didn't bother remembering what those were. He's the world record guy, and that's the only reason I'm writing about him.

Here are all of his big dumb records.

The official Guinness World Record website provides a full list of Rush's accomplishments

• Fastest time to wrap a person with wrapping paper (team of two) – 1 minute 43.19 seconds
• Fastest 100 m joggling with three objects whilst blindfolded (male) – 16.29 seconds
• Fastest 100 m blindfolded – 14.33 seconds
• Most consecutive axe juggling catches – 2,919
• Most passes of a beach ball in one minute (team of two) – 157 
• Most marshmallows caught by mouth in one minute – 58 
• Most apples thrown and caught in mouth in one minute – 49
• Fastest 10 m balancing a balloon on the face – 4.93 seconds
• Farthest distance travelled on an electric unicycle while juggling three objects – 56.40 km (35.04 mi) 
• Most juggling catches while on a balance board (blindfolded) – 1,316
• Most passes of a giant inflatable ball in three minutes (team) – 673
• Fastest time to wrap a person in cling film/plastic wrap – 1 minute 2.44 seconds
• Most thumbtacks inserted into a cork board in one minute – 180
• Fastest time to complete a 10 m shuttle run pushing a pram – 9.88 seconds
• Most toilet paper rolls balanced on the head – 101
• Fastest time to burst ten balloons (team of six) – 9.56 seconds
• Most table tennis balls caught in shaving foam on the head in 30 seconds (team of two) – 35
• Farthest distance walked balancing a baseball bat on the chin – 3.6 km (2.236 miles)
• Most behind-the-back flying disc (frisbee) catches in one minute – 67
• Fastest flying disc relay (20 m course) – 5.47 seconds
• Most passes of a giant inflatable ball in three minutes – 356
• Longest duration balancing a chair on the chin – 1 hour 8 minutes 37 seconds
• Most consecutive passes of a giant inflatable ball – 4,169
• Most kiwis sliced on a balance board in one minute – 85
• Most grapes thrown and caught in the mouth while juggling in one minute (team of two) – 35
• Most kiwifruits sliced in the air with a sword whilst standing on a Swiss ball in one minute – 74
• Longest duration balancing an object on the head - 2 hours 36 minutes 6 seconds
• Most juggling catches while on a balance board (blindfolded) – 1,316
• Fastest time to arrange a chess set – 30.31 seconds
• Fastest time to arrange a chess set (team of two) – 34.09 seconds
• Longest duration juggling three objects whilst on a balance board - 2 hours 39 minutes 56 seconds
• Most glasses balanced on a stick held in the mouth – 19
• Most T-shirts put on in 30 seconds (team of two) – 19
• Most T-shirts put on in one minute (team of two) – 35
• Longest duration juggling three objects whilst on a Swiss ball – 52 minutes 18 seconds
• Most grapes sliced in the air with a sword whilst standing on a Swiss ball in one minute – 59
• Most juggling catches on a Swiss ball in one minute (three balls) – 522
• Fastest time to bounce a ping pong ball into five cups (team of two) – 2.87 seconds
• Most bars of soap stacked in one minute (team of two) – 47
• Longest duration balancing a chainsaw on the chin – 37 minutes 57 seconds
• Longest duration juggling three objects blindfolded – 32 minutes 7 seconds
• Longest duration balancing a lawnmower on the chin (not powered) – 30 minutes 33 seconds
• Most poi weaves in one minute – 83
• Longest duration balancing a chainsaw on the forehead – 31 minutes 25 seconds
• Longest time to balance a Christmas tree on the chin – 1 hour 30 minutes 5 seconds
• Farthest distance walked balancing a lawnmower on the chin (not powered) – 993 m (3,257 ft) 
• Farthest distance walked balancing a chainsaw on the chin (powered) – 63 m (206 ft 8 in)
• Most beach balls caught blindfolded in one minute (team of two) – 35
• Most balls juggled whilst suspended upside down – 5
• Fastest time to pop 10 balloons between two people – 15.25 seconds
• Most wet sponges thrown in 30 seconds (team of two) – 51
• Most dice caught in 30 seconds while blindfolded (team of two) – 327
• Most beach balls caught blindfolded in 30 seconds (team of two) – 18
• Most alternating tennis ball catches in a plank position in one minute – 66

Very dumb indeed.  There are over 40,000 world records in the Guinness Book of World Records database. That's too many records. Roughly 35,000 too many. Who came up with these ideas? Was it David Rush himself? Or are there a whole bunch of people who are vying to be the fastest person to run 10 meters while balancing a balloon on their face? If you can just create records, then I'd have 100 of them. Most times tapping your knee while wearing one shoe and packing 3 Zyns in 10 minutes. Boom. World record. 

When I watch David Rush's videos, my gut tells me to hate him. To mock him for being a loser who does dumb activities. Just take a look at his video of him breaking the world record for "most marshmallows caught in his mouth using a homemade catapult". 

Or how about this one, "most food sliced with a sword while bouncing on a pogo stick", or the next one, "longest time balancing a guitar on your chin."

Those just seem like things he taught himself to do. It sounds like he made up a thing, then called up Guinness World Records and said. "Hey guys I bet nobody has done this more than me!". And they just award him with a world record.

My instinct is to call him a stupid bald loser nerd. But lately I've been trying to not be cynical. Maybe this is just a "dudes rock" situation. Who am I to judge David Rush? He found something he clearly loves doing, and he's making a career out of it. That's the dream, right? His YouTube videos probably do more views than mine (in a hypothetical world where I made YouTube videos). So I'm not going to mock this guy. I'm just going to tip my hat, and say good for David Rush for doing something with his life. As weird as it may be.

Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind having a world record myself. Some of these seem very breakable. Like most t-shirts folded in 1 minute.

He's not moving THAT fast. I could set that up at Barstool today if I wanted to. God knows we have enough t-shirts for it. I also think I could beat this record for "fastest time popping 100 balloons with your feet". 

That wasn't overly impressive. He certainly didn't do it cleanly. We could make a new whole show out of this. Just a bunch of dudes trying to break Guinness World Records. I bet Barstool employees could break a handful of these. I'm going to make that my new mission. To hold at least 1 world record. I'll have to do a little more digging on which one is most breakable, but I'm sure if I put my mind to it I'll be able to break something. Maybe the balloon popping one. Stay tuned.

Side note: I wrote this whole blog assuming that David Rush was the world's premier record breaker. Turns out he's not even close. Check out Ashrita Furman.

Jesus Christ. I wrote a blog about the wrong guy. Ashrita Furman has 530 world records. And according to another website he has over 600. What a legend.