Yeah, That'll Work: Men Are Flocking To A Dick-Shaped Rock In Hopes That It Will Make Them Better At Sex

Isai Hernandez. Shutterstock Images.

[Source] - Men from near and far are visiting this bizarre penis-shaped landform with hopes some of its mythical sexual magic will rub off — or help them find a soulmate.

Men visit the oddity with hopes to improve their performance in bed, while women pray to meet the man of their dreams to fulfill their desires.

“There are myths surrounding it. Maybe [once] a week or once a month, many visitors there perform some kind of ritual. It is said that men who visit there will become ‘mighty men’ in bed.”

I don't want to be the person to break bad news to these guys but if you're going to a dick-shaped rock in hopes that it'll make you better at sex, you're just going to stink at sex. Just accept it. Most people are bad at sex. You just thrust around and try your hardest not to cum fast. Call me crazy, but doing a ritual at a penis rock isn't going to help that. There's no magical powers - besides toys. 

And hey, I'm all for doing whatever it takes to try and get something to work. I believe in good juju. Wear the same shirt for your team when they are on a run. Eat the same thing. You better believe I'm smoking wings and wearing the same shirt for every Giants playoff game now. My hands are tied there. 

But that's for sports. You can't go to a penis rock and hope it helps your dick. Gotta go get a fake one or something. Oh and if you're one of those women showing up there trying to meet a man to fulfill their desires you're fucked too. You just see a bunch of dudes standing around penis rock and you gotta rule them out immediately. Maybe it's smart on their part. You see any guy at penis rock out at the bar later and immediately rule them out. 

Tough look for the guy in the thumbnail too. Fine. Go to penis rock but FOR SURE don't take a picture of you at penis rock. Now you're all over the Internet as a guy who needs help to have sex.