Nothing says, "FUCK YOU" quite like sending an inordinate amount of dildos to someone's parents' house.

First off, I used the words "inordinate amount of dildos" in the title, but is there an ordinate amount to send to someone's house in anger? 

Secondly, is "ordinate" even a word?

And third, is the plural of dildo 'dildos' or 'dildoes'?

You see, there is already a fair amount of research going into this stupid blog, and I have barely gotten past the title... Doesn't bode well for the mouth-breathing "TLDR"-crowd.

I'll work backward on those three questions...

3.) Winds up you can use either dildos or dildoes in proper English... I might switch back and forth, just for the hell of it.

2.) Ordinate is a word, but instead of meaning "the opposite of inordinate" its primary definitions seem to be related to either mathematics or religion... Two things I no longer fuck with since that incident with my geometry teacher at the Catholic grammar school I matriculated at... I will use the word "correct" instead.

And 1.) I can't be sure, but I would think that the correct number of dildoes to send someone in anger is one.

Believe it or not, outside of that one geometry class, I have not had a ton of experience with dildos.

When I worked on the trading desk waaaay back in the day, one of our managers was traveling later that evening, and we sent an intern out to a nearby sex store in the West Village to get a sizable dildo that we then wrapped in tin-foil and tucked into the carry-on he had under his desk while he was getting lunch.

When he got to LaGuardia, the metal detectors went off and the security personnel had a good chuckle at his expense... 

NICK VEASEY/SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY. Getty Images.

This was all before 9/11, which (among other things) made airport security less responsive to some good old-fashioned ribbing.

Outside of that dalliance with a rubber dick, I haven't had much use for dildoes.  Perhaps, that'll change as I get older.

Why all the dildo talk, Large?

An excellent question!

I have been creating some finance content these past few months with Tyler Morin, our intern Ian, and now with Brendan Clancy.  We drop 4-5 pieces of video content a week in either "The Family Office" podcast or reactionary quick hits that we call "The Short Squeeze".

Whether or not they are any good, doesn't really matter.  Since they are on the Barstool network we have the luxury of people or groups reaching out to talk with us in the hope of getting some free promotion.  

Kinda like Glenny's Only Stans, but with uglier people.

By the way… I just searched our database for a picture of Glen in his natural habitat with these thots, and I found the picture above.  As a courtesy, I was going to attach this young lady's name below the pic to promote her on our platform further, but the caption in said database said "Jennathumbwithtits".

"Jennathumbwithtits"?!?!

That is a fucking weird name to have as your handle, but I've seen weirder, so I started to search her out… Maybe get to the bottom of how she got the nom-de-plume Jenna Thumb With Tits.

But before I began my rigorous internet search of this stunning broad with pristine thumbs and big-old titties, I saw another thumbnail in our database listed directly before the one I just posted above.

And it looked like this…

You see what happened there?

If you didn't, I'll go through it again real quick…

Here is "Jennathumbwithtits"…

Whereas, here is "Thumbjenna"…

(Her name is Jenna Lee)

Winds up this Jenna person probably has very ordinary thumbs, but in the editing process for Only Stans, Glenny was given a thumbnail of Jenna and he requested another… This second one showing more tits… Hers, not his (thank God).

Ergo, "Thumbjenna" and the ever-so-slightly different "Jennathumbwithtits".

And now you have an inside look at the creative process here at Barstool Sports.

KING.

But back to Barstool Finance's guest requests… Yesterday, a very ugly and flat-chested person (I assume) reached out to us detailing some initiative he and a handful of others have started.  

--- And I say "he and a handful of others" but it could very well be a "she plus 1 they/them"… I know very little about the infrastructure there, and I'd like to keep it that way. ---

It's called 3 Dildos Capital, and their mission is simple: Launching the first community-driven campaign, where, together with their community, they will be sending an infinite supply of dildos to Sam Bankman Fried as he sits awaiting trial (set for early October) in his parents' lush basement in Palo Alto, CA.

This trial could turn into a lengthy legal battle, and Fried could ultimately face up to 115 years in jail if convicted on all charges.  So while SBF is contemplating his destiny, 3 Dildos Capital wants to pour even more salt on a well-deserved wound and bombard his house with rubber dicks.

Instead of a generic GoFundMe campaign, 3DC has essentially launched a GoFuckYourself movement which, in their words- "Will be providing the tools necessary for SBF to go fuck himself, day after day after day." 

Personally, I do not condone nor condemn what they are doing… Nor am I aware of any legal ramifications that may come from sending unwanted gifts through the mail.  If we're being honest, I don't even know just how much of a parody this parody company (Three Dildos Capital) really is?

I do however giggle every time I think of that little 'teaspoon of cum' wading through hopefully HUNDREDS of neatly packaged veiny dicks in order to pick up the oat-milk latte DoorDash just left on his stoop.

Do with that what you may.

Take a report.

-Large

And tune into The Family Office every Sunday…

And The Short Squeeze during the week… This gem dropped earlier this evening, and i love the title.

TAR

-L