Anyone Going To The Gym This Week Is Unhealthy

Brett Hemmings. Getty Images.

See that guy right there? Well I'm sorry to break it to you. But that is a very, VERY unhealthy man. Just like anyone who's in the gym today or anytime this week, he's a phony and a fraud. We all know it's obviously a common trend to start working out, eating healthy, and getting a gym membership once the new year rolls around. A bunch of people telling themselves they're going to get in shape and stay in shape. For real this time! But it never lasts. In a few weeks, this fat sack of shit will revert back to old habits of skipping the gym and stuffing his face with fried foods and processed sugars. 

You want to know what's actually healthy? Not going to gym for all of January. Letting all the fakes get their workouts in before they inevitably quit by Valentine's Day. Instead you can be healthy like me. I'll be skipping the gym, binging White Lotus, and stuffing my face with Chinese food, pizza, and whatever else I fucking want. Because I am an actually healthy person who doesn't just start working out due to the flip of a calendar. I'm a guy who went to the gym for about two straight months from October to December before I got a bad cold and then didn't feel like going anywhere. I'll resume when the time is right. But the time isn't right quite yet. I have a Super Bowl in Madden to win. 

And I know what you're thinking. "Tommy you can't go to the gym anyway. Dave said you looked gross with muscles when you got jacked a few years ago." 

Great points that I'm aware of. But I no longer go to gym to get jacked. No more muscles for me. Just some cardio and light weights to feel healthy and hopefully live a long life. But that's all going to have to wait a few weeks so I don't look like a phony and a fraud. So if you want to do the right and healthy thing, I suggest you avoid the gym for at least a few weeks.