'Pharma Bro' Martin Shkreli Gave Sam Bankman Fried Advice For Surviving In Prison

Assuming he doesn’t go all Jon McAfee in the next few days, it’s safe to assume that Johnny Law could hit Sam Bankman Fried with what will effectively be a life sentence.

So it was really cool for one of the best to ever do it (commit white collar crime, that is) to share some tips and tricks for surviving on the inside. Martin Shkreli's prison hacks will save Sam lots of time getting deep into the prison blogs and figuring out how to make toilet wine on his own.

And, well, Shkreli was just as smug as you’d expect him to be…

DailyMail - 'Sam isn't exactly gonna be somebody that fit into prison you know my advice for him includes shaving his head, my advice for him includes deepening his voice,' Shkreli said.

'Sam is going to have a lot of issues because he is a bit of an effeminate guy and his demeanour some people say autistic sort of sense or sensibility is not something that goes over well in prison.'

Shaving his head and deepening his voice might help delay getting his mangina filled like a Hot Pocket against his will… for like a few hours. But I think it’s safe to assume the doughy “effeminate guy” is going to be pretty popular in prison. And I mean that in the worst possible way.

Also, shame on the hardened criminals for picking on people who can’t make eye contact. Do better, you guys. It's 2022.

Shkreli continued being the Kevin Hart to SBF's Will Ferrell in 'Get Hard'…

DailyMail - 'He also doesn't know anything about the streets and sort of criminal culture, which my advice to him, is to pick those things up as quickly as he can,' Shkreli continued.

'He should be listening to as much rap music as possible he should be trying to learn everything there is to know about gangs about the tough neighborhoods in every single city.

'This sounds funny, but this could save your life.'

In the full episode, Shkreli also advised that Bankman-Fried should try to 'rebrand' or 'reinvent' himself.

'He probably should no longer say that he's from Stanford or something he can say that he's from Oakland I think that people would rather hear him lie than hear the truth,' he said.

'Even if they know it's a bit of a lie, he should probably start to reinvent his background and history because the rich white kid from a good neighborhood that story doesn't sound great.

'You need people to be on your team it's hard to be authentic but also be in this space where you're making a lot of friends and friends can go a long way in prison.'

Perhaps SBF is spending all this time at his parent's house listening to Jeff Nadu crime and punishment pods at 1.5x speed?

But it kinda feels like Martin doesn’t have a firm grasp of the situation here. I’m not entirely sure what the TV/internet situation is like in prison, but I'm pretty sure everyone is going to know who SBF is. Calling himself a “business, man… not a businessman” and speaking fondly of growing up in Compton doesn’t seem like it’ll get him fast tracked to the high council of MS-13.

Also, there was no talk of shanking. It seems like it might benefit SBF (especially if he gets a "life sentence") to establish himself as a bit of a wildcard. Perhaps sharpen a toothbrush into a shiv and Paul Pierce someone that isn’t well liked. That, or get a full body tattoo that includes the blueprints of the prison and other hidden messages and lead a daring prison break.

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