Sam Bankman-Fried Is Out of Jail On $250 Million Bail, "The Largest-Ever Pretrial Bond"... And I Have Questions

Elizabeth Williams. Shutterstock Images.

I wish my parents loved me this much (yes, this is a cry for help)…

Less than 24 hours after being transferred to the US, SBF is out of jail and all it took was his parents posting a $250 million bail.

CNBC - FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried will be released on $250 million bond while awaiting trial for fraud and other criminal charges, a New York federal judge ruled Thursday.

The terms of his personal recognizance bond were agreed to by prosecutors and Bankman-Fried’s lawyers. The 30-year-old will face his next hearing in New York City on Jan. 3. Bankman-Fried was expected to be released from federal custody on Thursday, a prosecutor said.

A recognizance bond is a written commitment from the accused to appear in court when ordered. In return, Bankman-Fried’s camp would not be required to meet the full collateral requirements on the bail.

The bond was secured by equity in his family home, and by the signatures of his parents and two other individuals with “considerable” assets.

What in the actual fuck? I have a lot of questions. Like…

Why $250 million? Bernie Madoff had to post just $10 million bond. Elizabeth Holmes was hit with just $500,000. Prosecutors called SBF's package "the largest-ever pretrial bond." Jesus, how many FTX users' shitcoins does SBF have on a thumb drive that we don't know about yet?

Who are these other individuals with "considerable" assets? Couldn't be members of the DC elite that benefitted from Sammy Altruism's $40 million in political donations… right? Who in their right mind would stick their neck out for this dipshit?

How can two professors afford a $4 million house? Sam's mommy and daddy helped secure the bond with equity in their $4 million home. A small loan from Alameda Research perhaps?

How worried should we be that he gets Epstein-ed? Apparently very. He'll be under "strict" supervision and will have to submit to mental health counseling.

Won't he just run? The feds don't think Sam is a flight risk since he played nice and agreed to be extradited. And he's incredibly recognizable. But mostly because he's a baby back bitch. Plus, running would be hard given that he's barred from opening new lines of credit of more than $1k and has less than $100,000 in his bank account like some sort of poor person. That explains the Jos. A Bank suits he's been wearing.

How will Sam spend his final holiday as a free man? Gotta live it up before he's sentenced to 115 years of trading rusty trombones for jailhouse meth. Per the terms of his bail, he needs to remain in Northern District of California. I hear Napa is beautiful this time of year. And it seems like the kinda place where it shouldn't be hard to find a gang bang with some other tech dorks. That or he'll play League of Legends (poorly) while taking part in Twitter Spaces.

Every day at 5 PM Large and I (and a rotating cast of internal and external characters) hop on to discuss the day's biggest finance and markets stories in 15-minutes or less (think: Barstool Rundown but make it finance). On today's Short Squeeze we got into the latest on SBF and why AMC plummeted today.